Hate playing games...but.....

[fizzfiend]

feel like a flipping teenager asking this question but here goes.

Have been seeing this guy for 18 months. Quite intense for me, but although he loves to spend a lot of time with me, I know he does not feel the same. I'm not looking for a big relationship, but at the same time, don't want to be treated as someone who is just dispensable. We always have a brilliant time and sex is great.

So we're supposed to be going out for dinner on Friday. I am always available for him and it drives me mad but I love being in his company. Should I make myself unavailable now and again, or is that just cutting off my nose to spite my face? I am so rubbish at this stuff.

Please help. It's not doing my self-esteem much good. But I think that if I cancelled a night, I would spend it moping around and wishing I had gone. Any experiences? Pleeeease!

Please could you give some more info on the back story to this, why do feel that he doesn't feel the same and why do you feel that you should make yourself unavailable, from what you have posted do you think that he is taking you for granted, is that the issue?

Thanks for responding Antalya...yes, he does take me for granted because I allow it. I have an almighty crush on the man, combined with massive sexual attraction. I don't think I've ever said no to him, although he has to me now and again. I've moved heaven and earth to make sure I can see him.

But just writing this down....I feel I should just be cool this time. No guy respects a woman that is always there for him, right. I know he loves being with me, thinks I'm gorgeous, etc. But I know he knows I am always there, although I did allow him to text me first this time (I usually text first because I have to make childcare plans and he doesn't...that's my rationale).

Do you ever play games, or have you?

its not games if you have a life.

you can't build your social life around one person. its insane.

so join a gym, college, art class, bridge club, volunteer at a charity, look into local clubs with children

be busy!

I know Custardo, I know, I know, I know, you are so, so right. I am trying to find a life again....wish I could go back to my working days. I have no life. Have been trying evening classes, gym but just not enjoying it. I know that is the answer and thank you for reminding me.

Seriously, you have made me sit up and really think. That's part of the problem...I want some of his life which is just brilliant because of his job. I hate this system where smart women give up life for kids and then end up where I am not even knowing who they are. Thank you...I must find a focus.

Custardo...me again! You have just given me a well-needed cyber slap around the face. When I publish my book in a year's time I will dedicate it to you...lol. But I wish one of my friends had had the guts to tell me to get on with life. Now I do't give a damn what happens on Friday night....THANK YOU!!!

lol your welcome,

come on here, i will prolly be here pissed off my tits on voddie

I love a happy ending

fizz - Just don't let us catch you on here on fri night pissed off your tits on voddie and moping

If you think that by seeming cooler he will be more interested in you, after 18 months, I think this is unlikely, sorry

why do you feel inferior to him?

ginger: I know...but at least I would feel a bit better about it..I feel like such a bloody sap right now.

Custardo: I'm still here drinking voddie...you sound like my kinda person! Got to go to bed SOON!

Ramble...are you sure you don't know me? I can have such strong convictions one moment, then fall apart the next second....so crap!

lost: because he's successful, er...massively confident, just knows he will be okay. Crap isn't it?

Oh bloody hell ramble...if I am here on Friday night getting ratarsed, I will be REALLY pissed off. Need a B plan!

why do you have to compare yourself with him?

you know he wouldn't be able to cope in your situation and vice versa :)

I think you need confidence bust crash course....

don't question his motives, don't play games

So lost...what do I do in the short term? I do need the crash course but that will come with following my own agenda (which I WILL do!)

Thing is I know I will have a lovely night with him if I go. Am I being an arse? Help!

in what respect do you think you are "too available" for him?

IMHO a guy would not be seeing you forester 18 months if he was not interested in you

so he is...

I think you have give us more background here...

please elaborate on this :
"Quite intense for me, but although he loves to spend a lot of time with me, I know he does not feel the same. I'm not looking for a big relationship, but at the same time, don't want to be treated as someone who is just dispensable. We always have a brilliant time and sex is great."

how do you know he feels different from you?

what makes you think you are dispensable attribute for him?

lost....you make some good points. And thank you for indulging me. I know I do have to get a life, but relationships are also important so I really appreciate your input.

You're the only person who has made the point that he would not see me for that amount of time if he was not interested. I have never even thought of that.

He used to tell me he loved me and send me loving texts but does not do that anymore, although he still sends sweet texts now and again. So I am second guessing him I suppose and assuming he doesn't feel the same. Isn't lack of communication a wonderful thing?!! But he is incredibly self-sufficient and never, ever, ever appears to need anyone else, although I guess he probably does.

I think I just need to get a bit more going on my life to make me feel more fulfilled rather than letting a man do that job.

But lost...your comments have really made me think and I thank you. Why are your feelings lost?

I agree that communication is the key, I am not sure if know how to communicate with guys lol

I don't want to make anything up, but I guess he has a good wall build around himself not to show off his weknesses, I know how it works - have done it myself for many, many years ;)

in my case it lead to a lot of lies and ultimately I paid a price, so I am hoping he isn't like me after all he is a guy, and they think in different ways about pretty much everything

my nick arrived with this post

is very long and I am getting better every week, so hopefully at some point I will be calling myself - newlyFoundFeelings :)