me-time vs. family time - expectations and reality

[emkana]

I read the thread about the husband not able to cope with an ASDA delivery during the football with interest - was amazed at some of the answers.
So I thought I'd start a new thread to find out more. So tell me, what is life like in your household, esp. at the weekend? In the emkana household the "default option" is that we spend the weekend together. We do a mixture of activities (swimming, walks, days out, shopping etc.), again generally all together. We also spend time just relaxing at home, with dh and me reading the paper or one of us at the computer or whatever, and the children playing. We don't have the TV on in the day, apart from when Formula 1 is on. This is basically due to me, if it was up to dh he'd watch other motorracing or other sports or whatever is on, but he defers to me .
It is definitely the case that if one of us wants to do something alone they check with the other if it's okay. I don't know if you want to call it asking for permission - I would find it hurtful for me and the dd's if dh just took himself off whenever he felt like it.
Am rambling now - but am v. interested how it works for other families. Do you/does your dh really just grab your/his keys and leave? Don't you agree how you'll spend the weekend together?
Find this fascinating and am hoping for plenty of responses!

Just re read my post and sound like a right soppy cow

Oh dear, I fear the Inferiority Complex is a model of non-togetherness. We do some stuff As A Family (sorry, that very phrase makes my hair stand on end) and should probably do more as it's quite fun, but also do a fair amount of separate stuff, either with children or on our own. But we do discuss and negotiate it all.

I am really not very good at being In A Family, am I

This is about me time though and we all have the right to be apart from our families whether it be a regular time each week or as and when we can.

motherinferior: Don't feel bad about having time away from your family :-) xxx

i count my work as me time

especially when assistant not in and I can go on mumsnet

'me-time' makes my hair stand on end MI

snap Enid- a kind of creepy crawly feeling undr my skin. Good job I don't get any then

Emkana, I haven't read this thread but our weekend sounds a bit like yours - we are all together all weekend but it would be fine if I wanted to go out or dp did, we'd just discuss it beforehand and work out who was going to do what. This weekend ds and dp did a couple of things together (organic food festival, I couldn't face walking around in the heat) while dd and I pottered at home and ds, dd and I did a shop together this afternoon but that's because I wanted them to come with me as I'm away during the week atm. Dp tidied and cleaned while we were out. Weekends are about family time in our house, absolutely. Dp wouldn't DREAM of just grabbing his keys and leaving and nor would I. We don't get out together often but it's mainly because we don't get around to it, if we're in we do sit and have a leisurely dinner, drink wine and chat so it's like going out to dinner but cheaper.

Compo, my ex dh was a bit like that sometimes. That's partly why he's Ex tbh . IMO sahps are as entitled to time off from children at the weekend as wohps, BOTH jobs are WORK! IMO being a sahp is harder (I know, not everyone agrees) and luckily we both agree on this in our house. I couldn't cope with a partner who thought being a sahp wasn't really work and that what he did was.

www how is it going?

Enid, it's ok - bearable, just about. I do miss them but weekends are lovely. Too short, obv, but lovely. As is the money

Weekends are always family time.

If one of us wants to pop out and do something on own then we just check its ok with the other. IMO thats just polite.

Rest of the time we have a huge family calendar so everyone knows whats going on. I couldn't function without it! DH has to do dinner out for work quite often, so on Sunday night I check whats planned for the week ahead.

If I want some me time and DH can't look after the girls I ask my DM to have them so no probs.

As ds is still very new and our first child I don't know what things will be like later on. At the moment, like Emkana, most things are done together. On Sun mornings we will often go our separate ways (me to church, dh playing football or relaxing at home) and I visit my friends/he his separately. dh is absolutely great and would never just disappear. In fact I think he puts himself last too often .

Message withdrawn

weekends are me going on a bike ride with ds's ( sometimes not always) whiolst dd and dh watch soem american tripe like stargate.

we go pub every other week
me n him indoors might go for a walk down the beach without the kids or we might go into town also without the kids.
sometimes i am running then to and from friends houses.

this weekend - he played darts friday
he took me out for a meal sans kids sat affy, went to pub sat evening and am stull stuffed.
told eldest ds to go to a party a few doors down - he came back drunk i said he could

infact we do loads without the kids its great. good weekend