Have 10 day old baby and dreading looming 3 week visit from mum and grandmother - advice please!

[SkaterGrrrrl]

My mum and grandma live abroad and when I found out I was pregnant they asked if they could fly to the UK to spend 3 weeks with us when the baby arrived. Well baby has arrived and is 10 days old and mum & grandma arrive this weekend. However now that the visit is looming I am dreading it. My mum is a very warm, bubbly person but she is incredibly messy and loud and I am super-tidy and quiet and I'm wondering what I let myself in for?

Perhaps it seems ungrateful as I know many women would love to have their mums to stay while recovering from labour; and if my mum was a practical or resourceful person I'm sure her help will be invaluable. But she isn't. She's the sort of person who (on previous visits) if she cant find a teabag will come and wake me up rather than search the kitchen or nip to the shops. I know she is going to make a ton of mess (example: when she used to smoke, she would just ash on any available surface rather than getting up and fetching an ashtray) and I'm not convinced she'll cook or help out with laundry or other chores.

Also, while I am a quiet type Mum is the chattiest person I have ever met, (example: on a 4 hour car journey with her she will literally talk non stop and when people stop responding to her, she will just keep up a running commentary of any thought in her head. When that runs out she will read aloud road signs and shop signs. She cannot sit in silence).

Anyway she is on her way here. DH and I live in a small flat and have converted the only spare room into a nursery. We will have to put mum & grandma in our bedroom and sleep with the baby on a sofa bed in the living room. We only have one bathroom with the loo in the bathroom and will now be sharing with 2 more people. My grandma is wonderful but she is 86, tires easily and is almost deaf so will not be able to help out with the baby or any cooking at all ? quite the opposite, I will feel I need to look after her.

With the post baby hormone crash I have been feeling grumpy even with DH who is a considerate, calming person so god knows how I am going to react to mum. I'm afraid I am going to snap and tell her off and hurt her, which I don't want to do.

So any advice on coping with mothers / relatives who drive you crazy?

Will she be smoking in your house?

No real advice, but you can´t (imo) give up your room-won´t you need it to rest in the day?

You poor thing.I understand exactly how you feel,my dad and es mrs(who i dnt like)came up to see dd the same wk id given birth i was knackerd, sore lady bits, boobs etc had mw appointments.i looked and felt a wreck.They stayed a whole bloody week.u have my sympathy

Hi again chaps,

Just to say thing are going better than expected (my expectations were so grim the only way was up I guess).

Mum & grandma declined to take our room so they are on the sofa bed. Mum as dreaded is verbally incontinent - so much so that on their 1st day here DH felt an overwhelming urge to tidy the shed and vanished in there for the afternoon.

But I am taking your advice and thinking of her as an extra pair of hands, and am making specific requests like please make a salad or hang up that washing. She has - unprompted - baked a blackberry cobbler which won her big brownie points and done the washing up (she wont go near the dishwasher for some reason).

Will report back in a few days but just to say thanks again for the advice and sympathy!

Polar Bear she has quit smoking or that would be a solid gold excuse not to have her stay!

I've been reading this with interest, as I expect to find myself in v similar situation when our LO arrives. Glad to hear it's going well so far skater and good luck for keeping your Mum busy!

I think sometimes we work ourselves up about asking people to do things when actually they don't mind at all, so good on you for being up front and giving your Mum jobs to do!

that's great to hear skater! Hope you can enjoy your time with them, I'm sure there will be tense moments but it might pass really quickly and then you'll miss them being around

skater my mum also is verbally incontinent. It is very, very wearing. We had her to stay with us for one night during our holiday and it drove me mad and I then felt so guilty for it. I think it is nervousness on her part, and she admits herself she doesn't like silence. You have my sympathies.