How can I stop him feeling unwanted?

[Beb]

sigh Its a sex life thread again, apologies. I'm sure they come up frequently, and I'm sure I've read a few in my time, but don't have the time to be scrolling through them all to find some.

I'm young (mid/late twenties), have lived with DP for a little over a year, we've been together for 2.5years.

Sex is once a week. Which seems plenty for me - sex is so unimportant to me - its the trust, humour, company, laughter etc, that I value. Last night was an anniversary of ours (of sorts!), and it got to bed time, and it was clear sex wasn't happening. DP got more upset than I have ever seen him before - he actually said "do you not want me anymore? do you even know how unnattractive you make me feel?", and I feel like crap that I'm making him feel like that, but I'm just really not that into sex. I was, at the beginning, but it just seemed to trail off for me.

I've never been in a relationship this long before - my sex drive always trails off at this part, and I decide that means we're not compatible, and end things. I dont want to end this relationship - we ARE compatible in every other way, but how do you deal with a mismatched sex drive when you're young and there's no reason for it?

I was fortunate to learn very early on when I became sexually active just how important sex is to men. It is as important as intimacy (the umbrella term for the trust, humour, companionship that you mention). Infact, I was especially intruiged to discovered how rejected some men can feel from something as trivial as a woman refusing to swallow after oral sex. eye roll[grin.

In my very humble opinion, I think you have two choices;

Find someone who is equally compatible where sex is concerned ( and it is possible so don't allow yourself to become crippled by the thought that it is not)

OR

You can understand and accept that relationships sometimes require compromising and accept that sex is as important to your partner as intimacy is to you. How would you feel if he withdrew from you emotionally? I hope you don't get to but you just might if he has started making comments such as "do you not want me anymore? do you even know how unnattractive you make me feel?"

In a nutshell, the question is, how much are you prepared to sacrifice to have a wonderful relationship?

Best of luck!

SA

You were prepared to make the effort in the beginning in order to establish the relationship and now you need to keep on making that effort to sustain the relationship -or let him go.

Not suggesting you must oblige according to his every demand but you must find a compromise and stop thinking only of what you want.

IME, couples with this mis-matched of a sex drive are really better off splitting up before they marry and/or have children.

You both need to find someone who's more compatible with yourselves sexually sooner rather than later as this problem only gets worse instead of better.