Being a bridesmaid, or not as it stands.

[sparkleshine]

Ok so I don't know if I'm just being silly or overthinking things that aren't really there.

My DP sister is getting married in 2012 and obviously we are all excited about the whole thing.
I'd never really give it much thought about me being a bridsemaid and when we talked about it in the past, (just in conversation before she got engaged) I'd said how it really wasn't my thing.

But I can't help being disappointed that I've not been asked. Shes having her finances sister, her best friend and 2 cousins we never see.(though still debating that one)

Me and DP have been together nearly 10yrs so not like Im new into the family.
Our DS will be the ring bearer and my DP an usher and she's involving me in preparations, looking for the dress etc but it's just something that's niggling at the
back of my mind (especially after my friend presumed I was when I told her and she seemed surprised)

Ok so we don't go out and socialise together but we get along great and there's no issues that I know of, I just can't help thinking that she secretly doesn't like me or thinks I'd be an embarrasment at her wedding ( I'm very overweight) but will lose that by then anyway.

I can't tell my DP coz it would be awkward if hr knew and told her by accident.

Am I just being silly?

If you told her it wasn't your thing, I expect she believed you

errr... if you told her that you didn't want to do it then she probably thought she was doing you a favour by not asking you??

I think you are probably reading too much into it really. If you've said previously that it's not your thing, maybe she's taken that into account.

When I got married my best friend said that she didn't want to be a bridesmaid, and although I was disappointed I understood her reasons. She was hugely involved in all the preparations, dress choosing, flowers etc and helped me as much on the day as my actual bridesmaids and was great. I counted her as a bridesmaid in everything, she just didn't come up the aisle with me.

Perhaps you should just relax, enjoy your involvement, and be grateful you don't have to wear an unsuitable frock.....!!

I don't think you are being silly at all. I very much doubt if it is a reflection of her feelings about you too. Something very similar happened to my sister, and while she is by no means overweight, she was considerably bigger than the other bridesmaids. Matter of fact, we came to find out later that it was the Groom who specified that he only wanted bridesmaids who were a size 8 or smaller .

Unfortunately, it is her wedding and as such she can do what she likes and if she chooses to have you assist in other areas, then I would accept that with dignity and play my designated role.

To be honest, I think she is doing you a favour; have you watched the TV show 'Bridezillas?.

However, on the other hand, if you wanted to, you could lose the weight in the meantime and who knows, she might change her mind. Result - everyone is happy!

Good luck!
SA

Thanks ladies.
I guess I am looking into it more than it really is and I am really pleased she has asked me to be part of the big event. I never thought I would be invited to go dress shopping tbh and she's asked if my friend would do the flowers.

I'm amazed anyone over 14 cares.
Agree if you told her it wasn't your thing then it's not surprising she didn't ask you.

Just a thought but have you thought about just having a little chat with her and saying how you feel? Not to make her ask you or anything but just to clear the air and move forward?
So many people dont think to just talk about these things and carry around a funny feeling for a while.

If you get on well maybe just say you totally understand but felt a little hurt and explain you dont even know why you did as it isnt really your thing etc....

SILs aren't usually bridesmaids. It's usually female relatives of the bride and her close friends. You say you aren't close friends so there is really no reason why she should ask you!