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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

post divorce - is this normal?

5 replies

reallylowtoday · 13/09/2010 14:07

Normally im fine, in fact the last few months ive been feeling fab - the best ive felt in years

However a trip to the doctors and a jump on the scale showing my weight has gone up has brought me crashing down.

and its a downwards spiral.

ex always told me my body discusted him, and i was discusting. i had lost weight, but now ive put some back on, i now feel like im no good, and am discusting again. The self esteme i had has gone.

Ive pulled out of a party i was invited to, cancelled a date i had lined up and generally want to hide until ive lost a stone. But instead of dieting - for the last week ive been stuffing my face.

Not good.

Coupled with a few threads on here about other peoples husbands - and reading them mine used to do similar things, and everyone saying how awful it is.

it just confirms how abusive the relationship was - and then i get angry for letting that happen, and feel upset that i didnt stop it, and feel that i dont know how to have a normal relationship, and in any case im too fat anyway- so im worthless and noone would love me.

So - is it normal to have such highs and lows? or should i go see a doctor or sometihng?
( i know full well i will feel totally fine in a few days though)

OP posts:
blinks · 13/09/2010 14:17

well firstly, being fat (which i seriously doubt you are) isn't the worst thing in the world. plently overweight people have fabulous relationships with plentiful shagging and mutual adoration.

secondly of course it's normal for your self esteem to be affected by divorce, not to mention dealing with the fallout of an abusive relationship.

sounds like you would benefit from counselling.

reallylowtoday · 13/09/2010 14:36

well my bmi is 31

so i am actually fat. clinically obese apparently.

which is gutting as this time last year it was 27.

plently of overweight people might have relationships - just not me. I just kind of feel that if my husband ( who was meant to love me) didnt love me like that, then how the hell would anyone else love me like that?

I cant afford couselling. The nhs waiting list is about a year.

What makes me more angry - and then more upset, is that the day after i kicked him out, he started ( though i suspect they were having an affair) a relationship with this girl much younger than him. And they are still together.

The cloesed ive come to any kind of relationship was someone i met who said he didnt want a relastionship with me, but would happily shag me.

Im just feeling very sad, and alone, and upset today.

OP posts:
soverign21 · 13/09/2010 16:20

Dont know if it's helpful or not but my local childrens centre does counselling, i am now a newly single parent with 4 DC and in real need of counselling to help get me through this, when i mentioned to staff at the childrens centre that i wanted counselling they told me it was a service they provided and it was totally free and the waiting list wasnt very long it may be worth looking into as i would definately say that it was worth a shot for you

blinks · 13/09/2010 16:53

you could be skinny and be in the same situation though.

abusive men just focus on the area that they think will affect you the most- for you it was your weight. if it hadn't been that, it would have been something else.

and as for the new woman- she gets to put up with his shit now. pity the fool.

i believe relate has a service where you can work through a relationship even without the other person there. relate has a means tested payment system.

they also run one day workshops to help moving on after divorce. info here

until you've found ways to help your self esteem, you'd be wise not to get into a relationship or you'd be in danger of attracting another fuckwit. what ways can you think of to build your confidence?

Patienceobtainsallthings · 13/09/2010 17:00

Womens Aid do a counselling service for post abusive relationship support in my area.Its free in this area and im going next week .Might be worth a phonecall to see what sevices ur local WA has to offer you .

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