Alcoholic Partners - How do you cope?

[MummyJules]

Okay apoligies in advance if this comes out a long post but I am in a position where I don't really have anyone to talk to about my relationship with DP and so this is the only place I can turn to.
Ever since I have known DP and for a few years before hand he has been an alcoholic, he also used drugs and was a gambler (before I met him though) Coming from a background where both parents, and two of my sisters are alcoholics I naturally although unconsiously thought that I belonged with DP and thought I could help him - Stupid I know!
DP and I have been together for nearly six years, He is 37 and I am 24 and we have one child and I feel like I am throwing my life away. He is having major difficulties with his drinking at the mo and I am finding it very hard to cope with as no one knows apart from me the extent of his problem. I keep on insisiting that he must get help but the pub seems to lure him away from going to an AA meeting. I have gone to al anon and will try to go to a few meetings soon but it is difficult getting a babysitter and obviously I can't rely on DP. Even apart from DP's drinking problems we have other things to content with - I have a binge eating addiction and also shopping although not to the same extent as DP's - It is under control at the moment and I am on a waiting list to get counselling.
So I don;t know whether I am questioning whether I should stay with him or not or just how to cope with it - As you can read I am a bit lost at the moment and looking for other people who might be in a similiar postion to gain some support.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

Hi I read your post.
It sounds like you're having a difficult time. I am not in a similar situation - but could have been - long years ago now. I do know though that you are the best person to answer your question and one of the best ways of helping yourself answer such a question is absolutely to keep going to al-anon. Speak to your local al-anon group and they may even be able to suggest a way of resolving the babysitting. www.al-anon.alateen.org/

My ex was a compulsive gambler. I tried everything to help and encourage him stop. And I mean everything. Over 8 years!
In the end I just got ground down, and decided to cut my losses. Realised I couldn't cure him even if he did stop for patches, he always went back to it.
I got bored,now with someone else who despite his problems is far less hard work and more honest! Sorry might not be the answer you're looking for but that was my solution.

Much sympathy though, I know how much hard work it is - especially when you're looking after your child too...

I really sympathise MummyJules. Both my grandfathers were alcoholics, though my parents aren't. Both my sisters married alcoholics but are now divorced (neither of their husbands recovered from their alcoholism ).

I'm in AA, have been sober for nearly 10 years now. My advice would be to prioritise your own recovery in Al-Anon. Ask the people on the phoneline if there are meetings you can take your kids to (sometimes daytime meetings are okay with this, depends on the group conscience). Sadly there isn't much you can do to make an alcoholic recover - they have to hit rock bottom and then make the decision for themselves. This is a really harsh thing to say, but I heard in AA that of all alcoholics, only 1% ever go to an AA meeting. Of that 1% only 10% make it to being 1 year sober. Of that 10% only 20% make it to being 5 years sober. After that the statistics improve a bit! But basically alcoholism is a disease with a 0.0001% recovery rate. I'm really lucky to still be here. Since his recovery is unlikely, you have to put yourself and your kids first. It's not his fault he's got this disease. But it's not your fault either.