Ok this is probably going to be really long... sorry!
Met my dp aged twenty, everyone I knew was in a relationship and i guess i just wanted the same. when we met he was heaxily addicted to crack cocaine, something which i managed to help him out of. After five months we moved in together a week after he first became abusive, throwing car keys in my face and giving me a black eye. Stupidly i took him back, after all he'd beaten drugs we could work this out surely. We went camping for a couple of weeks during which he beat me again, giving me a further black eye but some how I didn't recognise the seriousness of this situation. I then during our holiday and sporting a black eye realised i was pregnant, so this in my naivety would surely make things okay?? Well obviously not but by this point i was so scared of letting my parents down further i decided to stick with him, only for him to beat me again at six weeks gestation and for me to find out I'm expecting twins. i went through with it all and was baeten further during my pregnancy, why didn't I leave, I honestly do not know, I put on a charade for all but a few close friends who I subsequently lost and was more lone than i had ever been in my life. my twins were born and for a time things were okay fatherhood seemed to completely change him and for a time i was smug in my belief that i was right after all. Our third child was born (traumatically) and after i developed post traumatic stress things nce again deterioated to the point where i ended up in casualty with a split eye borw after he glassed me in anight club. Why I ever went back i shhall never know, i was so ashamed but it was around christmas time and i desperately wanted to keep up the charade for everyone else. After two years of on and off violence our fourth child was born and things once again settled for a time. Around xmas time last year things deterioated again and i posted here under a different name, i finally thought after seeking the support of my parents i would have the strength to leave, it didn't happen, they were as complacent as i was and felt we could work at it more.
Anyway after 9 months of mental and on and off physical (the odd kick or smack here or there) abuse i have finally made him leave and have been honest with everyone i know in the hope that this time it really is it. I hate him, he has bullied me into being a person i don't recognise and for the first time in six years I know i am strong enough to go it alone.
I am posting this because although i am ashamed at how I have let this go on, I am empowered by my new strength and determined that I can do this, you really don't need to comment but i really needed to share. thanks if you listened