Custody advice please: where do grandparents fit in?

[paprikamole]

DH and I have finally realised that there's nothing left of our marriage which I'm only really sad about because DD is only 4 months old.

It's a long story and there are several issues but recently my parents have got themselves involved in our financial situation (which is crap). DH thinks they are trying to split us up (which they're not) and he generally has a big problem with them. He is now saying that 'when' we divorce he will drag us through the courts and make sure my parents won't be able to look after DD or for DD to ever live with them. I'm certain this will be hard because my parents are respectable, middle class and comfortably off so surely a court would consider this a good back up for a single mother.

Does he have a legal leg to stand on?

Surely he, as the child's father, would be the natural back up if anything happened to you?

Do you think he's felt emasculated by your parents' help?

Well I would think that say for example you get joint custody then who sees/looks after your daughter during "your" time is your decision, and the same applies to him.

Unless there is a reason to keep your daughter away from that person.

Why would he think your daughter would ever live with your parents?

Why does he think that your parents are splitting you up?

He unfortunately doesn't see it as 'help', more severe interference and yes he would be back up. DD would never live alone with my parents - he thinks I would live there too and that's what he doesn't want. When I go back to work he would want her with a child minder rather than them.

He thinks my parents have always hated him and are driving a wedge between us - paranoia rather than anything else.

What a pity he's not thinking of the welfare of his child and her having loving grandparents.

I don't think he would have a leg to stand on unless they are drug dealers, alcoholics or abusive which I'm pretty sure they're not! A court would see right through him, in that it's not his child he is considering here but his own bitterness.

Thanks Karmann, that's rather what I was thinking (and hoping).

Hi, previous experience in former life, basically your parents have no rights save what you give them, that said your Ex is just pressing buttons, cos I guess kids are all he can hurt you with,(very norm behaviour) if your going back to work, no reason why your parents shouldn't help with kids, unless he's going to give up work, if not then presuming your not paying them or paying them more than nursery, he hasn't a leg to stand on.
Please understand in the majority of divorces kids are used as a weapon, sad but true.
Also bear in mind most D Judges are middle/upper class , you have nothing to worry about. If he takes action only advise would be don't be reactionary be calm & reasonable gets you much further.Not sure how all this works, but if you want to contact me please do.

Agree that when your daughter is with you he can't control where you take her or who she sees. Usually children aren't allowed to see a relative only if there is a child protection order in place or that person is on the child sex offenders register, or has abused the child before or a court thinks they may abuse them.
Your parents shouldn't have "involved themeselves" in your financial situation however. They should only have become involved if you or your husband actively asked them to become involved. Otherwise they are just being meddlesome, even if well intentioned.
I think either partner in a marriage continuing to rely emotionally on their parents rather than their partner can threaten the relationships, and some women do seem to have difficulty not having parents as confidants just as some men do, hence the "interfering MIL" threads.

paprikamole - i am sorry to hear about this. Try to minimise the conflict but still pursue your priorities.

best wishes