Should I remain silent?

[packup]

I fell out with a friend last october, it was very upsetting.

Since then her dh as died after a long battle with Cancer, after seeking advice from mumsnet I sent her a card with a heart felt message in it saying how sorry I was for her loss and we would treasure the memories our families shared.

I didn't expect any thing in return and have not approach her when I've seen her at school this week, I thought a card was enough and then leave it up to her.

Anyway today I've been told by another parent that it's playground gossip that I sent the card!!!

Is it silly of me to feel so upset and hurt that something that was personal from me to this person as been broadcast around her new group so-called friends!!!

No you are not being silly, not atall. Its hard to know how the other parents were told you sent it, i mean, she could have been saying how nice it was of you to send it.

But I would be hurt too. I also would have thought the mature and decent thing would have been for her to approach you briefly to say thanks for thinking of me and your good wishes. Even if she didnt want to rekindle the friendship, it would have been polite to acknowledge the card.

Yes, remain silent. I understand that you feel upset and hurt but no good will come out of you saying anything about it.

Remain dignified, you've done a nice thing, she has responded to it in a not so nice way by making it gossip fodder but she is grieving and what's the worst people can be saying about you?

All you did was send your condolences to an old friend.

Say nothing. What gossip can they get out of it? "Ooh you see Packup over there, she sent XXX a card to say she was sorry her DH had died, isn't she horrible?"

Not entirely sure what the parent who told you this was expecting to achieve? Sounds like a nice thing that you did, putting your fall-out aside to pass on your kind thoughts.

Oh that's not nice at all.

Why on earth did the person inform you it was gossip? That was tackless of her to even mention it. The whole thing sounds really upsetting but quite odd that people are discussing it like that, do you mind me asking why you fell out? Is it a cliquey group?

yes very cliquey group, I was part of it once!! For my sins I learn't the hard way.

Basically I fell out with another friend and she got involved, the other friend told her X has said this X has said that and she chose to believe her

Now this other friend as worked her way into this clique

I think the person who told me today did so
because she used to also be part of this clique until this person worked her way in and she was pushed out.

Trying to keep my distant from it all, even typing it now I know how childish it all sounds, had a fantastic summer hols, one week back at the school gate and it's all started again

Go over to the sofa (not if someone is sitting there, best go to the fridge or something then) imagine the Cliquey-Gossips are all stood there and blow a great big wet raspberry and flick some Vs.

I defy you not to have a chuckle to yourself on Monday when you see them at the school gate.

Ha you made me laugh, it's the best tonic thanks flisspaps x

I'd stay silent. I think I'd also take what you've been told with the most huge pinch of salt.

Your ex-friend's husband has just died of cancer. I'm guessing she's still dealing with that - the emotional stuff, the day to day financial stuff, the children, and their emotional response.

She's going to be all over the place, and when something as enormous as your partner's death happening tends to re-jig priorities. I wonder if she gives the "gossip" as much attention as this person who passed it on does? I slightly doubt it.

I fell out with a friend a few years back and a couple of years later her father died. He was a well-known local politician so it was in the local papers.

I sent her a card with my new phone number and said to call me if she waqnted to.

She never did.

Sometimes you just have to do the right thing and go with whatever happens. Ignore the gossips - you're better than that.

Glad to be of service. Seriously, you SHOULD do it though