I think he is an emotional abuser, but don't know what to do

[roslily]

So, basically was reading another thread and a link, and can see so much of my dh in it.

Examples from today:

I am useless as I turned steamer on when it was still under kitchen cupboards

"what have I told you about opening window in bathroom, you are so annoying"

Been told off because we are on "wrong" energy tariff.

My fault there is mark on bumper of car (I have no idea where this came from, I hardly ever drive as I am always getting blame for things

Nagged for not going to gym

I am frigid and don't have sex enough with him

I regularly get told what to eat. So he wants sausages for lunch, I don't. I get a huge rant. Or if I want pasta two days in a row this is terrible. Or my cooking is bland

I never do anything around house, just sit on fat arse (very much not true)

I spend too much time working (I am a teacher) and not enough time with him

I could go on and on. I suppose they seem petty. If I argue back then I get told I am mental (I have mental health issues). SO I generally don't. If I try and talk about it he rolls his eyes and makes it all seem like my fault, that I am reading too much into it, and if I didn't do so much stuff wrong then he wouldn't have to have a go at me.

Am I being a bit pathetic. Its alright, you can tell me

Well, in my opinion the main driver of abusive relationships that one partner has a large sense of entitlement, for whatever reason.

I think it grows over time as well. How you tackle it - no idea.

OP - organise yourself. You sound like you can really do this. Plan it well and then go do it.

In the meantime, you know what he is so, as far as possible, rise it as you are planning a much better life.

Lynette - I agree with you to a degree. But shit it's hard living with someone who is actually abusive - longer it goes on the more you lose your way and the harder it is to leave. It creeps up on you.

Thanks. I can't put my hours up now until next academic year because of the timetable.

I am planning.

roslily

lynette I have read lots of these threads and never seen someone bothering to post about bi monthly sulking. It is always far more than that and unless you have had any experience of emotional abuse you will not understand its corrosive and generally awful effect.

he is abusive and no amount of good times can make up for it. read teh cyle of abuse and lundy bancroft.

a lot of what you said my ex did too.

go talk with a counsellor, is there one thru work? see a relate therapist but on your own.

make plans to leave.

You don't have to put up with this... Yes you love him and for whatever reasons you have you have tried to stick it out in hope that things will change but it's still abuse. Though scars are not visible in emotional abuse, the pain lasts a lot longer. If he can't appreciate you and have enough respect to let you be your own woman (not a prisoner), you'll be the only one suffering. Though it takes a lot of strength to leave, the benefits are great (for you!) Wish u all the best

just copy from another thread...

Open a bank account in your name only so you have somewhere your cb & other payments can go into.

Make sure you have to hand all personal paperwork, passports for the dc & insurance certificates - get them all photo copied & put some where safe.

Make copies of all house deeds/mortgage.
Copy bank statements.
Start writing down how much money of yours are being used (I guess all) for the family detailing what they were spent for and keep receipts.

Photocopy all of his documents and any bills you find - especially those in his name (credit cards, mobile bills). Change ALL of your internet and computer passwords and make sure there's no keylogger software on your laptop. You need a solicitor specialising in family law.