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Original poster

Do you hug your parents

20 replies

DuelingFanjo · 11/09/2010 17:50

and do you say 'I love you'?

I mean people who have a good relationship with their parents.

I have never been a huggy person really but I am always asking my DH for a cuddle and telling him I love you. However with my mum (my dad is dead) I feel really guilty because I don't hug her or say 'love you'.

I am pregnant and my mum was a brilliant support when I was TTC and had fertility treatment and has continued to be brilliant through my pregnancy. She retired fairly recently and I see her about once a week, we have a good relationship but it's never been a huggy one. I want ,my relationship with my child to be more huggy and now feel guilty because whenever I meet up with my mum for lunch I don't hug her goodbye even though more and more I feel like I should.

I did, a few weeks ago, spontaneously say 'I love you' as I said goodbye on the phone, but then felt utterly ridiculous. I also hugged her when she made me and my DH a beautiful Quilt for our anniversary but it was more because I felt like I should.

What am I asking? I suppose I wonder does having a baby make you more touchy feely, do you think I am a bit abnormal?

OP posts:

cyteen · 11/09/2010 17:56

Although I do hug my dad (mum is dead), I am certainly emotionally constipated - family trait plus various traumatic events have conspired to leave me fairly uptight and scared to show my emotions around my family. However, I have found that since having DS I'm loads better, and there has never been any impediment to my hugging him. If anything he probably wishes I left him alone sometimes

I make more effort to tell my dad I love him these days because losing my brother has been very hard on all of us, and I just think life's too short to let something so important go unsaid. It gets easier, actually.

Pogleswood · 11/09/2010 18:02

Yes,I used to hug my Mum regularly - but wouldn't have said "I love you" - that was taken as read.But I only hugged my Dad and kissed him on saying goodbye occasionally - we didn't have a huggy relationship(and we were alike so both tended to get a bit embarrassed and awkward..)
I think it doesn't matter - unless you want to hug her(rather than just feeling you should),or she very obviously would like it if you did.If you are both happy I wouldn't worry about it.
I am very huggy with my DCs,not sure if having a baby always makes you more touchy feely though - I think it could have the opposite effect on some people!

starsareshining · 11/09/2010 23:07

I don't ever hug my parents or any other family members. Hugs are reserved for son and partner only :)

I have never been a 'touchy' person, can't even stand people brushing past me in the street, though I'm entirely different with partner and son. I've been this way since I was very young, apparently used to have my mom in tears because I'd always push her away. My son is exactly the same and can't stand hugs/kisses/munches. It makes me smile :)

starsareshining · 11/09/2010 23:08

Also, no, I don't ever, EVER tell them that I love them. Just thinking about it is making me cringe.

gagamama · 11/09/2010 23:13

I'm very huggy and tactile with my parents and the same with my DCs. I always give them each a big hug as a greeting and farewell and it's not awkward at all. I also always end phone calls and texts to them with "love you lots, see you soon".

I am actually quite an aloof, closed person to most people though so it's not like I'm totally emotionally incontinent. I've just always had an affectionate relationship with my parents.

pebblejones · 11/09/2010 23:14

Yes, hug, kiss and tell them I love them, as does my brother (so I don't think it's a girl thing).
My DH adores his parents but cannot recall when he last hugged or kissed his Mum or Dad and doesn't think he has ever told them he loves them and doubts he ever will. I find this very odd and hope he's not like this with our DS.

tori2000 · 11/09/2010 23:14

As a family we have always given a kiss on the cheek and a hug when greeting each other and leaving - This just seems to be the norm in our family, we speak to each other every day to see how we all are. However my husbands family wouldnt care if they didnt speak to each other from one year to the next which I find very bizzare. I am hoping my daughter grows up in a very loving family and carries on the hugging!

BitOfFun · 11/09/2010 23:15

Yes, and I say that I love them. Maybe not every time I see them, but lots.

perfumedlife · 11/09/2010 23:16

I do, more so as i get older. I think if you are thinking about this now, it means you want to be more affectionate.

I would try it on for size, with practice it becomes more natural.

plonker · 11/09/2010 23:27

Yes, I do.

I tell them both I love them at the end of every phone call and as I'm leaving after a visit. I always hug them and give them a kiss too. Same with my sister and close friends (although I know which friends do and which friends don't appreciate this, so am careful who I hug )
My dad is less huggy than my mum, but he will tolerate me hugging him. He only ever tells me he loves me when he's drunk though

Dh's family are way less tactile, but dh has grown to be more like us and hugs our children lots.

I have 3 dd's. My youngest two are exactly like me and my family, my eldest is like her dad. She will give a hug and a kiss, but isn't spontaneous with it. My youngest two are wonderfully affectionate

Original poster

DuelingFanjo · 11/09/2010 23:53

Aw , thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. I know I wasn't particularly huggy as a child but found other ways to get affection. Maybe as I get older and after I have had my own baby I will be more spontaneous with my hugs.

OP posts:

fruitshootsandheaves · 11/09/2010 23:58

I hug my dad. He had been hurt by one of the other inmates residents in the care home today and had a cut on his head which made him sad. Actually he is often sad. I don't tell him I love him, i don't think I've ever heard him say it to me either.
My mum has been dead for years.
DH's family are a very huggy, kissy family...I'm still not, although I do hug my children too much for their liking

2010Dad · 12/09/2010 00:16

I hug my mum all the time, but mith my dad, even in serious times, it's awkward and uncomfortable.

I feel that if your mum/dad didn't make that special effort to bond with you in the early years, then the concequence is that hugging feels uncomfortable.

I now have a 5 month old little boy and we are so close. I know I didn't have that with my dad as he was busy drinking, and I'm certain that because I am close with my son now, we'll have a very close bond always.

2010Dad · 12/09/2010 00:17

just to add - he also clearly feels awkward himself if I attempt to hug him. I find it very sad and definitely put it down to how that person is as you're growing up.

Poledra · 12/09/2010 00:23

I hug my parents whenever I see them and when we part (they live a fair way away, so it's always a visit of a few days at least). We don't really say I love you though. And there were always lots of hugs and kisses when I was growing up.

What I find a little more amusing is that my ILs give me a hug and a kiss when they come to visit, and when they leave. They don't however, hug or kiss DH! He says they weren't really a huggy family when he was growing up - I have no idea why they hug me and not him now though. And they're always hugging and kissing the DDs (which is great).

nickschic · 12/09/2010 00:48

I dont have any parents.

However fil (mil passed away) is a v huggy person he hugs me all the time he hugs all 3 ds and they always tell him they love him and he loves them.....fil frequently says on the phone love you,best girl however this mystifies dh who says his father who is ex SAS was never a huggy kissy dad and certainly never hugged or kissed dhs first wife .....

My friends Mum and Dad always hug and kiss everyone and I see a lot of hugging and kissing from ds's friends too.....

gingerwig · 12/09/2010 01:01

yes always

mountainmonkey · 12/09/2010 10:58

I don't see my parents all that often as we live in differrent parts of the country, plus my dad works away a lot so I see him even less. I usually give them and my siblings hello and goodbye hugs.

Its very rare that we say "I love you" - we're just not that kind of family, and besides, actions speak louder than words.

I think when you get in the routine of saying it it just becomes habit. I used to work in a call centre and there were one or two people who accidentally said "loveyoubye" to complete strangers.

ginnny · 12/09/2010 22:20

I always hug and kiss my Mum and speak to her most days and always say I love her at the end of the call.
I didn't so much with my Dad, but he only used to tell me he loved me when he was pissed!!

SixtyFootDoll · 12/09/2010 22:23

I always greet my parents with a hug and a kiss.
Prob more so now than I did when younger , I appreciate them more now i suppose.
Am very affectionate with DS's, hope that continues, although DS1 aged 10 pulls away from me most times!

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