Would this ring alarm bells for you?

[poshsinglemum]

I've met someone on a dating site. Nice photo/profile. But he has a 17 month old son. Apparently the relationship went dead about a year ago; fair enough.
But part of me things; why couldn't he make it work with the mother of his child? Ok- the same applies to me but I've waited for 2 and a half years without seeing dd's dad before even contemplating dating agin.
He just seems to be dating a bit soon.
I guess I'm a bit more cautious than some.

no, it wouldn/t

it has been a year. why shouldn't he look for someone else?

Anything could have happened, hard to believe on here sometimes, but not ALL men are horrible wasters . I would give the benefit of the doubt for now and think that the way he deals with the situation - ie access, finance, relationship with the child will give you a much better indication...

Relationship could have being going wrong long ago, and the child could have been an elastoplast baby.

Why not go and meet and find out? At least its dating practice

So he split up with child's mother when the baby was 6mo. And it's now a year later and he is dating.

Doesn't sound as if there is necessarily anything wrong with that.

Porto has the right idea - if he sees the child, is polite to the mother, pays maintenance willingly and on time, that will show you what he is like.

He does sound like a nice guy. I'm just being ultra conservative after years of dating disastours. Mabe I need to loosen up a bit?!

Oh by the way- they are still living in the same house (6 bedroom)so not in the same part of the house (apprently) but he's moving out nxt week. I guess if they had to sell up etc. hmmmmm.

Living in the same house rings big bells! Why not say you'll look forward to meeting him again when he's settled in his new place?

Why on earth did you say 'oh, he has a child, but they split up a year ago, is it a problem?' and not mention the much much bigger issue that they are living in the same house?

Whoa, wait a minute, the same house

That rings big bells for me. Nope, i would give him a big swerve, unless the date starts off with drinks at his place, and you can check it out.

That's the snag. I'm a bit hmmmm. But he was honest about it and the fact that he has a son. I'm still a bit hmmm.

Personally I'd run fast and far from this one. Too complicated home life. You could get sucked in and hurt in the process.

"why couldn't he make it work with the mother of his child?"

You can't make someone work with you - maybe she just didn't want it continue, just like some men don't. Do you know the detail?

My biggest concern is that there can be a big difference between
"the relationship went dead about a year ago"
and
"the relationship ended a year ago"
Were these his words or yours?

As for the co-habiting, I think it would depend on the circumstances: was it really impossible for him to move out any earlier? What really changed domestically in the meantime?

For this reason I'm going to say that that I do think a year is too soon to be actively seeking to date again before arranging stable accommodation and child contact. His DS should be coming first before bringing a new partner into the mix (and I would say that to any woman in the same situation as well).

It doesn't sound too awful, Posh. The only likely issue with this is that - living separately or no - they'll still be a bit more enmeshed than if he'd moved out straight away. I'd give him a chance, though. See what you make of it when you meet up! Good luck :)

People can live in a couple relationship for years after one of them thinks it's 'dead', has he actually taken any steps to separate e.g. arranged maintenance, care agreements for his child?

Please do yourself a favour and dont date him unless you know he is definately single

hi posh

warning bells for me would be the living in the same house

i think Beautiful gives good advice about waiting till he has moved out

Living in the same house - I wouldn't even go there. The potential for grief is massive. It won't be hard to wait two weeks if he really is moving out so that's what I'd do. Wait.