We need to kick start our sex life.......how????

[GiveItTooMe]

Ok so dh and I have been having problems for a while, mainly down to stress (work, ill parents, life etc). We had a massive arguement on Wednesday evening where he said he was leaving, I didn't even try and stop him He eventually came back in from his car and I think it has shocked him a bit as over the many years we have been together him leaving the house would have been something i would have tried to stop let alone saying he was leaving and wanted a divorce.

Anyhoo, obviously one of the things that is suffering is our sex life. Technically we are i a sexless marriage, as I believe its something like less than 10 times a year counts you as this.

It is something I want to fix but I dont know how too. I know I am not completely happy with. I am also having problems coming basically I used ot be able and now I get to that point and nothing. I believe this to be due to stress, but I honestly cant remember if I have ever got there since my ds was born three years ago This is both on my own and with dh.

I've been thinking about this for a little while and tbh its just reading the oral sex thread that has really got me thinking, dh wont do it me. I've never had it (was with him since very young) and he says he doesn like it, i must admit I really love the idea of it.

So what do I do? DH wants more and I think I do too. Maybe not quite the sex we have now but then is that cause we dont do it enough, so hes getting his while he can iyswim? The last time we did it (a couple of weeks ago) I did speak up and said I wanted more foreplay (ie some) and also said I dont like the groping that goes on throughout the day. And he did listen, there was a difference. I dont want him to think I havent enjoyed any of it for the last 20 years cause thats not true.

help!

I think you need to make a date with each other for a certain night in the week. X night is making love night - so nobody is going to stay out late, or pretend they have to do a massive amount of work or ironing or go to be early - it's shagging time and that's the focus. Then I think you need to get quite intimate with each other and make a conscous effort to do foreplay and prolong things - because you are both giving your bodies to one another so there's no rush. Lingerie, lubricant and talking about what you want to try - and lots of kissing. Do you remember when you were first together and you could kiss for several hours - try it again . I think you also need to try coming yourself when you're alone and see if you can get relaxed enough to do it - that might help you see where you want to go with dh.

Good luck - you are right you must both fix this because I think it's very hard for a marriage to survive without sex.

Oh and the oral sex thing - has he ever tried it? Could you talk about what he doesn't like the idea of? (It is fantastic imo)

Thanks NL. No defo cant even come when on my own used to be somehting that I was quite good at, even when pg!

I agree with what you said about our marriage, thats why i want to fix this, i think it will bond us more for dealing with the other things.

Kissing is something we dont do enough of full stop, I like your idea of a special night. I certainly believe if you dont use it you lose it.

Re oral, your just trying to make me jealous arent you . Just has always said he doesnt like it. I have become very good at bj's (or so he thinks), he is the only person ive ever done that with. But tbh cant remember the last time i did that either.

Why don't you look at SHH! It's a sex shop for women on line,
There might be something on there that takes your or his fancy, so to speak.
Expensive undies?
What lights his fire?

Well it sounds like he does appreciate you some of the time at least so I think there is good stuff you can build on. Will he touch you even if he won't go down on you? If not if you can encourage him to do that it might get thisng going in that direction?

No problems touching me, or being guided.

HW thanks for the reminder, i do have something that I bought for his birthday, OMG almost a year ago. I cant believe it was that long ago.

I don't know where you read that 10 times a year equals a sexless marriage. I have a friend who hasn't had sex once in the last 10 years of her marriage!
10 times a year is roughly once a month and I bet many long-term couples don't have more than that. Saying this so you might stop seeing yourselves as unusual.

The classic advice is to be intimate again but not think about full sex/penetration- just hours of foreplay. This takes the pressure off both of you, but it also means you can both focus doing stuff that turns you both on.

The otehr "classic advice" is that you need to make time to make love. In other words, timetable some early nights, or some time out for just the 2 of you.

Try not to think of it as a huge problem- I am sure it's more common than you think.

Thanks PP, I Think it was on here but a quick google has found this quote stright away

"Some experts call marriages that average 10 rolls in the hay per year or less "sexless," but other experts take the word more literally"

I honeslty counldnt tell you how many times we do it, I'm shocked that the undies I remember buying was almost a year as I know we only used them once.

I know its common, more than dh does i think. But whether its common or not i want to try and get it sorted. Thanks for your advice.

GiveItTooMe - how about dressing up for dinner on special night so that it feels like a date. Candle lit dinner etc. Hopefully your DH will run a bath sprinkle rose petals from the dining table to the bath and you will have a nice bath ............

I strongly recommend that you attend a masked erotic do. It is great fun where people can express their sexuality without compromising their identity. Your hubby will see how other couples engage in foreplay and I am sure the night will give you lots to chat about late at night and who knows where that could lead to.

It has worked for most of the couples I have suggested it to!

SA

Rofl.

Masked erotic do? EH??

Ooooh SA do you have to be in a couple

op, ds has an old power rangers mask somewhere, if you want to borrow it

Is a masked erotic do the same as an orgy?

at power rangers mask

DS has a chewbacca mask & costume if you want to borrow that.

Just learnt what a chewbacca mask was