txt messages on husbands phone from another woman

[mlk]

Hi I have just found out that my husband has been texting another woman at least 20 times per day/night. He has given me no rational explanation and wont talk to me about it. I have known for a few months that something was not right, but he kept denying it, saying it was all in my head. I finally know the truth now, but am gutted, we have been together for 16 yrs and have two children. any helpful comments would be appreciated, thank you

were they saucy texts or just general friendly ones ?

not sure i only have his phone bill, he hides his phone all the time, and has been coming home late from work,the txts were from 8.15 -midnight.

Much more information needed here please OP.

Who is the woman and did you know your H had a friendship or relationship with her i.e. it is a work colleague, an existing friend or a complete stranger whose existence was a complete mystery to you?

Tell us more too, what has been going on in your relationship to make you suspect things were not right. Describe your H's behaviour and how long you have been feeling this way. Write down a list of the changes you have been noticing.

And what do you mean about your H not discussing this or giving any information? Tell us about that conversation and also when you made your discovery.

I found out on monday,because i was so suspicious i opened his phone bill(never done this before.) I phoned the number on the bill and spoke to a lady who said she goes to the same gym as him. My husband has not been there emotional for me, he has no interest in me (apart from sex) basically he has been leading the life of a single man just doing what he wants, this has been going on since may 2010. He has moved out of our house into his moms as he says he needs space, he wont discuss anything with me.

mlk, so sorry this is happening to you.

It doesn't sound good, and you'll get some great advice on here as lots of us (too many) have been through this kind of thing.

I know you won't feel like doing this, but it's so important - get hold of any financial documents you can and make copies now. Do you have a joint bank account? It might be a good idea to move half the money in there into an account of your own.

Okay, so you didn't even know about this woman at the gym and your H has decided to move out? And the behaviour you describe has been going on for 4 months? Did the woman admit to an affair, or didn't you ask?

From what you've posted, it sounds very much as though he has been having an affair, which he doesn't want to end, hence the moving out and the stonewalling.

What do you want from the situation? If he ends the affair, would you want to try to forgive and get past this? What are the practical considerations for you if you go it alone, either by choice or because he won't end the affair?

When you have been living a rotten life for 4 months and you finally discover what was really behind it, there is sometimes adrenaline. mixed in with the shock. The difficulty for you is that you still haven't been given the courtesy of an admission and you therefore have a million questions which he won't answer.

I imagine you are still in some shock and perhaps a bit of denial, which is understandable, but try to focus if you can on what you want. It will give you some control back in a situation that has made you powerless, because you were being deceived.

So husband has moved back to mummy plus emails other lady - WTF? Time to move into your life. Time for him/you to agree his contributions towards upbringing of dc. You move onward and upward.