Anyone else tired of making the effort?

[PussinJimmyChoos]

Seriously, am fed up with being the one to make the effort with some (obv not all) friends...I try to remember what's going on in their lives, offer support if they need it etc and yet if I go quiet on them, then zilch...nada...

I don't be nice just to get things back you understand, its just the way I am naturally

Just fed up with making the first move I guess!

I sort of go in peaks and troughs - just as I decide X is a useless, rubbish friend who doesn't give a toss, X will do or say something thoughtful and nice. Then I realise that actually I've been pretty shite and unsupportive to Y and make more of an effort.

I hope it turns itself around for you. People are busy, they have their own stresses - it's so easy to just lose track of what's going on in friends' lives. Don't put 2 and 2 together and come up with 600 - it doesn't mean they don't care.

I totally agree. I don't get it either.

Have just stopped making the effort with one particular friend who was acting like I didn't exist anymore (and it was def her turn to make some effort). I think she knows why and is quite surprised, but still didn't make any attempts to fix things. I feel better now than I did, but I'm still angry with her...

I don't put 2 and 2 together and make 5...I just get weary of it that's all

Wish to be like DH...he remains supremely unbothered by all things friend related and as a result, people are really keen for his company!

I write as someone who is a shit friend... one of my friends always sends Christmas & birthday presents and cards, etc even though she is not loaded or anything. She always buys these things and sends them to me and the DDs (we are not in the same country) and for a couple of years all I did was send late Christmas cards and usually forgot her birthday.

My reasons : I had moved to a rural area in a new country, was struggling with 2 DC under 2 (they are a bit bigger now), plus a not-unhappy-enough-to-divorce marriage. I was quite miserable a lot of the time, even if you couldn't always tell.

So even though my friend probably didn't realise it at the time, I really really appreciated the gifts she sent but especially the thought that went into them - in fact sometimes she'd send clothes for the DDs in a hopelessly wrong size but they were always beautifully wrapped and you could tell she wanted it to be a nice present - and I'd be so so happy that someone somewhere still liked me that I'd almost cry!

And I'm always right on time with presents & cards now :)

Quite an emotional post from me lol and not really the same as someone not replying to texts etc. But it's not always easy to tell what's going on in someone else's life...

I never send Xmas cards, birthday cards or any kind of cards. I rarely remember anyone's birthday. Sometimes I don't keep in touch for months.

Still, I am the first one to be there for friends who are in trouble. I am just crap for small talk and small things.

My friends know this and accept it. In fact, many of my friends are the same. I am not a crap friend. I just have my own personality and accept people as they are. If one of my friends hasn't given signs of life for a while, instead of getting in a mood and thinking "he/she does not care about me!"... I just write to them or call them myself.

It's not that hard. Don't take everything personally. Life is not all about you.

My mum still doesn't accept, after 34 years, that I am not a person to remember dates and keep in touch about every little thing in life. She spends her life in an aura of self-pity complaining she is the only one to remember everyone else's minutiae. For goodness sake, accept people as they are! Good friends are there when you need them. Bad friends may remember your birthday and send a tacky card every Xmas, but won't be there at 3 am to listen to you crying over a break-up.