Is my Sil taking the piss or am I overreacting ? (Houseguest rant)

[youarebustedmydear]

Last week, my sil got in touch with us to ask if she could sleep on our sofa from the sunday to the thursday. We said yes as she is family but I was not really confortable with the idea (hate having guest). It was a way to build bridge with her and dh's brother as we are slowly getting a relationship. We didnt see them for years, no particular reason, just lazyness from dh and his brother.

So sil came on sunday, so far so good. She said she wouldnt need any dinner as she was going to eat on set (she is extra on a film). Monday night, dh and I sit at the table and sil arrived and asked so what is for dinner ? So I tell her and she says I would love to have some and oh can I have some vino as well ? No problem. During the dinner, we were constantly interrupted by her phone, which she answered. Then she asked if she could use our phone so she didnt have to use phone credit. Then could she do a bath ?
You must think I'm fussy but yesterday, she did the same, didnt offer to help with dinner, with washing up, couldnt even be arsed to put her empty yogurth pot in the bin, went for a bath..
She came to our place completely empty handed however I would appreciate if she could call before she comes home and ask if we need anything..like bread..

Then when we were least expecting it, she asked if she could stay friday night as she has been offered work on saturday..And ho anyway your dinner party is not before Saturday so its ok no ??? Well maybe I wanted to stay with dh, just the 2 of us ??? We said yes as we didnt have ready made excuse !!

Later on, she said that she wouldnt be buying a travel card as nobody seems to check ?? Hang on, is she hinting that she is coming back next week ??? She also want to come back beg of october !!!

Help me deal with it please !!!

Communication is key here; everyone involved needs to know what is to be expected of each other in terms of ground rules. This should ideally happen prior to any short term visit.

Your house and hospitality need to be respected here and by not doing so I think your SIL is taking the michael. What she is doing too is freeloading.

If she's going to be staying again, charge her rent! That should cover food bills, phone bills and water bills while she's there and make you feel less pissed off. Explain that as a one off its fine - but her early starts are waking you up and you could really do without having an extra person in the house with the extra cleaning etc. it brings. Doesnt she have any friends she could stay with?

No she doesnt have any other friends she could go. A reason why I dont speak to her so freely is that I dont know her that well, I saw her once previously in June and then it was back in 2006. So it is difficult to talk about rules with someone you barely know. But I have to, I feel bad having ressentment. I wont ask her for a rent as I know she has no money but would her to be proactive. Anyway, I followed some on the advice on here and I'm going to go out with dh on friday !

You could stop being such a nervoid and say stuff like "help us with the dishes will you" and "actually friday is a right bitch you got anywhere else to go" with a smile on your face...

Your SIL probably doesn't have ESP so she can't tell what you actually think without you saying it.

The bath thing makes you sound like a bit of a melon really. I don't want to stay at your place, you don't even get a z-bed!

I know I'm an idiot about the bath, I shower in the morning so it is no bother..she can enjoy it while I'm cleaning as she is shattered and she is as she has been working long hours but still..I will talk to her tonight !

Talking to her? The only bad thing is the yog pot and answering the phone at dindins. Hardly war crimes.

If I went to someone's house and they resented me having a bath, resented me having some wine (presumably open), wanted to charge me for using the landline...like are you all early 20s? Teenagers?

I'd chill out and get her to tell tales about film stars. Or try and get her to steal stuff off the set and flog it on ebay...

I prefer baths to showers, if staying with relatives it wouldn't occur to me that one is OK and the other not OK. If only 1 bathroom I'd check no-one else needs bathroom first and not spend ages in it.

If you don't want her next week then say no. If you decide you do want her staying then give her household jobs to do, get her helping with cooking, cleaning and washing up. If providing wine for her is too expensive then don't drink wine during the week with evening meals and save the bottles for when just 2 of you, although I like giving my guests nice wine.
It sounds as though part of the problem may be shortage of cash though. Visitors can be expensive.
An alternative is telling her money is a bit tight and asking her to contribute a bit re tasks and money if she stays another week.

Coolfonz, yes you are right I'll chill out from now on !