after therapy...

[Mummiehunnie]

still ongoing....

It struck me today, how many people have weird hangups... and it struck me the way I used to see people previously and how I see them now is very different!

i also think that there are not that many conversations I want to get into as the nonsense of the games the conversations are will bore me now, as I know where it is going... and in a lot of cases is pointless...

I also want to find new friends, however there is no one i want to be friends with, this is after a life time of accepting anyone almost as a friend, i want people who are together and I realise how many people are not... also getting back in touch with old friends, I have thought about their issues and the though of seeing them again drains me, as I am a changed different person now

is it just me or is it the same for people who had a life changing trauma, mini breakdown and therapy to feel like this? I just feel so strong and mentally healthy and can see weakness and oddities in people now I could not see before!

I just want to add, I don't think I am any better than anyone else, I just have a greater awareness now of what people are really like I was quite nieve previously and very open and honnest and was taken advantage of, as is natural in the circumstances!

i know exactly what you mean...

Hello mummiehunnie.

I know exactly what you mean too. I suppose I am happy to have loads of people in my life on a superficial level, the mum's at school for example, but, there are some who completely fall into what you are describing. I listen to them and feel as though I now inhabit a different universe.

I wonder whether a little knowledge is a dangerous thing though. I wonder whether therapists walk around knowing stuff, and almost be able to predict outcomes, in a way that un "therapied" folk can't. I suppose it's like a parent and child. The parent seems psychic almost, as their predictions of calamaty always come true. Only because they've been there and done that. And always with compassion, something I seem to have more of these days. :)

It's a strange thing about life though, that we seem to attract like people. I seem to know an awful lot of people who are in, or have been in therapy for major traumas in their lives....as have I. Funny that? I always think you can tell a lot from the company someone keeps.....including ourselves of course.

I know what you mean too.
I felt exactly the same , my counseller referred to it as an awakening. I felt differant and everything looked differant too . I felt as though i had been asleep for years and had just suddenly woken up.

Every now and then you will " see " someone who is awake , like you, and theyll see you too .

It is reassuring that others feel the same way, i could not agree more how knowledge is scary!!

After the friends thing, I wonder how I will ever find a partner, I am single!! how many enlightened awake single men in their thirties are about?

Lots i think !

lets hope so when I am ready lol x

dignified - hope you're right because I'm single too and would love to think there are 'enlightened' and emotionally intelligent men out there.

But - I'd wager that, in general, far more women go through therapy/analysis than men. Would you agree?

Well done to mummiehunnie for your hard work, and for doing something positive about the things that have haunted your mental/emotional life.

Earlybird, blimey I would not say I have felt haunted, a trauma hurt me and I did not want to get hurt again, spent most of my life blissfully unaware in denial as many others do!

Totally get what you mean. I had a very truamatic experience three years ago and nearly died, and have changed immeasurably. I have distanced some friends as i am no longer the same person when we met. They dont add anything to my life, which sounds callous i know. But i have such an acute sense of how short and fragile life is and i dont want to waste it with the wrong people, or people who drain me.

It is an awakening, sometimes that can be hard but i would not change a thing.

Another one here. My only valued friend, right now, is someone I met 5 years ago - as dignified says, we "saw" each other straight away (across a crowded room, no less!) She says it's like being an alien visitor with x-ray vision - we can see what everyone else is up to, but they can't.

I'm having to re-learn my 'getting to know you' skills. So much of the way I used to relate to people was scripty. Unsurprisingly, my more careful (and more honest) responses leave a lot of friendships un-made as I'm not playing so many games now ... and, as you say, an awful lot of people want games. On the upside, I do gain automatic respect; I used to have to 'work' for that.

I do let people know that I've done / am doing therapy, when someone says something that seems relevant. I don't know whether this is a bad idea: I felt ashamed of it for so long. Now I'm proud of having a little more insight, I don't mind sharing it. Could be just a phase - what do the rest of you think?

Wow that post has really struck a chord, you're not alone!

I've been through a very similar experience - marriage split, counselling, awakening to my own rubbishness, dealing with that rubbishness to be the person I want to be by taking responsibility for my bs issues.

I totally empathise with you about feeling disengaged when you talk to someone who's all unnecessary drama but can't see it.

I tend to think it's sad for them and that I'm really lucky to have had the help to make me realise how much better life is when you take responsibility and deal.

I do try to see the positives of "issues people" and focus on that in the friendship and try and steer past the bs bits of conversation, but it is draining, and I do actually worry I might be making myself "better" than them in my head.

Oh and I think there are probably loads of 30 something men out there who are together, some have probably been snapped up, but lots of others won't be and probably some will be about to go through similar life changes too so will kind of be created!

Who knows, but I hear you and good luck.

time, like your insight into it all!

Grace, I was watching bb and I am not sure if you did, there was a scene with Vanessa and Nicky the queen of games and drama... and Vanessa was fab, she cut straight through Nicky with kindness and I loved her way! So in that way Vanessa gets the respect that you discuss in your post!

I am off now to have final psychological assessment to see what therapy for overeating disorder etc...

Lol, can't stand BB - but am now going to look for that scene with Nicky & Vanessa! Always on the lookout for more input

Grace, I felt the same, had not watched it since bb3, however as the last one i went for it and really enjoyed it this year!

Well the scene was regarding Nicky wanting Vanessa to swap beds with her if that is any help for you, it was a few days ago!

Right last assessment with psychologist and I am going to start some more therapy to work on building me up, diet and relationships!

Another one who completely gets it. I think it's more about having boundaries, for me for the first time really. I can't be bothered with some of the nonsense, but I feel comfortable stepping away.

I've had lots of traumas and am not new to therapy - used to be a psychologist for all the good it did me! But I genuinely feel they are in the past for me. My therapist really shocked me last week saying that the vast majority of people have not had such a hard life. I know he's right - I could give most of those misery memoirs in Waterstones a run for their money. It's refereshing to realise that life doesn't have to be as hard as it has been for some of us.

Bit of a cliche, but I think a lot of men are less affected by some of the boundaries/game playing stuff. I also think society's expectations (in some ways) are easier in that it's acceptable for men not to feel emotionally responsible for their friend's relationship breakdowns or whatever. Of course, there's massive individual variation but many are less caretaking. Bring on the sorted men! Sounds like we might soon be ready.

I'm a therapist.

I have less than a dozen proper friends and a few acquaintances.

And I spend a lot of time of my own

or mumsnetting facelessly.

People are odd. As am I

I am loving all these responses!

Perhaps we'll all meet up one day, and dazzle each other with our insightful ... oddness?

This sounds shit ,but sometimes When im out and i see people , they look , umm grey in some way , in that they are not really fully " here " in that sense . Occasionally i spot someone , and i know they get it. They look differant .Theres usually some acknowledgement , a smile , or a conversation if its apropriate and they nearly always say " I think ive met you before , did you used to live / work ect ? "

My dcs have often assumed ive met up with an old freind and enquire , when they realise theyre usually horrified because " you just dont go up and start talking to randomers " aparently. Saying that , my youngest takes it all in her stride and casually comments in her own way how nice it is when she sees other " see-er ". She always knew what i have spent a lifetime trying to work out.

On the other hand though , i also see people who look and feel like theyre in agony. I want to say something to them but never do.

I know what you mean about noticing others pain, at the end of the day they have to rescue themselves to make their lives better as hard as that is!

I was reading about low self esteem, it is a lot better than it was, there is still some work to do on it though to change the script!