I am not sure what to say or how to feel.

[advicewanted]

Ok so posting here for honest answers please as I am not sure how I feel right now, hormones? Sickness? All confused.

I have just been diagnosed with early onset gestational diabetes, which was a shock for me this pregnancy and to make it that bit more frightening I have been put on meds for it.

These meds can cause many issues, including loss of appetite, sickness amongst other issues.

This pregnancy my appetite has really dropped possibly due to diabetes anyhow. But today just as he got in from work I started feeling really ill, not just a bit "funny" but full on out of it, hot, sweaty, vomiting.

I will be speaking to my dr about this tomorrow as it really scared me and I have been eating on time, meds etc and I only checked my bloods an hour before so god knows how they crashed so quickly.

Anyway he is accusing me of bringing it on myself, shouting at me infront of our other children, called me a psycho, I think he genuinely thinks this is self inflicted that I havent been eating or something.

I have ate properly even if I have a loss of appetite I have to eat to take meds

I am so upset right now, it's also fading to anger he shouted and had a go at me and statred calling me names as he thought I had brought this hypo on by myself, which I didn't it really frightened me really badly.

He then asked me to eat my dinner which I just wanted a few minutes first as I started to feel better, but also truth be know upsetting me like that just killed my appetite, he lost his patience and snatched my dinner off me ordering me upstairs, blaming me for this whole fiasco infront of the kids.

I don't know what to do, I am really upset. The kids are happy and asleep and he has got bored of shouting at me I think so has left me alone, I am so cross and also really hurt, I may be hormonal but I am not stupid like he is treating me for allowing this to happen.

ring your mum and tell her everything. if she is supportive at all she will help you get out of this situation.

Aside from the fact that one grown-up does not have the right to order another one about ("who the fuck does he think he is" was my first reaction too!), taking your dinner away could have seriously affected your health

One might be able to stretch a point beyond reason and say he is in denial about your health issues because he's frightened, but personally I think he's an arse, and a potentially dangerous one at that.

You need someone who will see you're crashing and calmly help you sort yourself out. Then when you're OK again, sit down with you calmly and talk through the day so you can both see

a) if there was something you forgot to do because it was a busy day and this is all pretty new to you. Then discuss togetyher how to deal with those circumstances if they happen again, or

b) if you did everything right; when they should be going to the doctor with you to support you, and to gain understanding themselves of how your diabetes works and how to deal with it

You do not need some bullying shit who shouts at you and treats you like a 3 year old when you are 100% healthy, let alone when you are ill.

I have just been blamed for something else now this time it's a bank fuck up on his account.

You are not his emotional punch bag . No doubt after his outbursts he acts like nothings happened while your left upset. But why should he be upset , hes just dumped his feelings into your lap hasnt he . Should you refuse to take it on ( ie , feel his feelings for him ) he,ll probably explode with rage .

I suggest you confide in your family and bring this out into the open , do not collude with him in keeping his atrocious behaviour a secret. Have you thought about getting some support from womens aid ? I fear this will escalate once the babys born.What man screams at his pregnant wife like this Ffs !

yes speak to womens aid and tell your GP and midwfe.

How's it going AdviceWanted?

Hi been in and out of drs/hospital these past 2 days as not been feeling well, my sugars are raging high again, so will be back on as and when. Sorry not being rude!

Getting time to myself to think though which helps, it's all coming together, I can use some examples here as a sounding board?

His car his pride and joy if ANTYHTING ever goes wrong with it, it must be my fault as it must have been something I did the last time I drove it, I hate driving now, so I just don't, which he moans at me for, I have no confidence driving.

3 examples, one time the battery died totally until he found out that was the cause, it was "What the fuck have you done to the car, you were the last one to drive it". Turns out it was not my fault so all back to nice and smiles.

The battery on the keycard died, again it was fine when he used it so it must have been my fault, another dead battery.

On holiday when we got there he parked and hit a high curb doing so, this caused a cracked bumper. I got the blame for that, it must have been something I did the last time I drove that caused the bumper to crack hence why we hit this high curb Being hysterical and blaming him was an admission of guilt on my part, what? Only sitting here writing it do I realise how stupid it all is.

He offered to get a car second car for the school runs, but then "joked" he'd check it for scratches every night, funny thing is I know he is not joking.........

He went out the night of my hypo to get me lots of stuff and said I was lucky to have him. As he loved me and did everything for me, and now I am ill I won't have to lift a finger and he is doing it all for me as he cares. So why make me feel like shit then?

Spoken to my mum about it, I will be in a better position to make the final moves etc once all has settled down, hopefully within the next few weeks or so.

Don't worry about being 'rude' - look after yourself! Just come on when you want to chat, or if we can help at all?

Your examples sound - well - ridiculous! How old is he? He sounds like a toddler! And the telling you he does everything for you - does he want you to be dependent on him? Is that why he discourages you from driving (which is what he's doing by belittling you all the time, whether he's also telling you you should drive or not).

So, you think you're going to move out? Or get him to? How's the finances? Are you ready to make a plan?

I do hope they get you sorted quickly; you poor thing. Lots of sympathy to you.

He's a bit irrational isn't he? (Understatement of the year?)

He is 30. I am ready to make a plan, I have access to cash, enough to put a deposit down on another private rent etc.

I hate driving because, yes I have no confidence with it and worry that every little thing that goes wrong with the car will be blamed on me.

I am ready to leave him. He has spent the past week sorting out quite unecessary crap hidden away in the garage/shed. I had bad news today re my pregnancy and he has not spoke a word to me all night just been polishing his car etc, he brushed me off when I tried to bring it up earlier.

He needed my help a second ago upstairs, but he bellowed for me, I won't reply to being spoken to like crap. He was a bit nicer about it, I went upstairs and he started aggressively shouting and wagging his finger in my face. I turned around to go downstairs and he threw a toilet roll at my head. Ok it was not a brick but still.

I pull him on it, he denies it. Only the past few days have I been able to add it all together and higlight previous red flags. I don't know why I ever married him in all honesty, I don't.

So legalities, where to start? I will check back tomorrow I am off to bed and need some sleep.

I'm not the best person to advise you, but you will need to collect together important documents - passports, bank statements, credit card statements etc. and put them in a safe place. Also think - if I had to leave immediately with no notice with only what I could carry easily in one bag, what would I take?

I think the most important thing though is to be VERY VERY CAREFUL. If there is one thing I have gleaned from reading threads here, it is that abusers (your dh) can escalate the abuse if they realise that you are leaving. Please don't let this put you off going, just be careful.

I think it would be a very good idea to ring Women's Aid as soon as you safely can. They'll be really really helpful, and while MN is a fab resource and many women in your situation couldn't do without it, there are times when experienced RL help is needed too. This is one of those times. Thank goodness your mum is onside; that support is immeasurable. But still, ring Women's Aid too. The number is: 0808 2000 247.

If you go to their website, make sure you delete your browsing history.

You are not alone. I am thinking of you. You are a strong, capable and confident woman - you don't feel like you are but that's because you have had someone chipping away at your edges for ages, undermining you. Once that stops, you'll be fine. You really will. Believe in yourself.

I am worried that if I say any more I could so easily make things worse, as I don't have any relevant RL experience. Please do be careful though.

:(

Shouting at and bullying someone who is ill completely unacceptable.

My XP used to do this to me as well - shouting at me, saying I bought it on myself, and even the afterwards apologising because he ws 'scared' or 'worried'. It's horrible behaviour.

Has he done this sort of thing before?

I really should the whole thread before I post.

You are planning to leave him? That sounds like the right decision.

Keep posting here for support and don't forget to cover your tracks. Sorry you are going through this.

I'm bumping this now in case there are some more useful people around.

Jux, it was helpful. That sounds just like my dh. Will start my own thread. I only wish I had the guts to leave.

Roslily, just be careful eh? My problem is that it is a minefield unless you do know what you're talking about, and sometimes some well-meaning person with no RL experience comes along trying to help and ends up saying something which, unbeknownst to them, has implications which make things worse.

The most important thing, until more experienced people come along, is be careful.

IIRC, blood sugar can be very variable as the baby doesn't grow at an even rate. I used to find that I started to get slightly queasy, if mine dropped, so used to keep a bag of dried fruit and nuts handy.

Hope you're feeling a bit better and sorry about the bad news.

Take care

How's it going now? Sorry I haven't been back on before - have you been able to talk to Womens Aid? They really are the best people to guide you through this, and may be able to point you at good local solicitors etc.

And sorry to hear you've had bad news. I hope nothing serious. Are you at all worried about being identifiable? If so, maybe you could change your name if you want support for the pregnancy on another part of the board? Go to 'my mumsnet' and go into your profile - you'll be able to add in a new nickname on your profile page, then you can swap between identities as you want.

Let us know how you're doing?

Hi thanks for the advice, re going to other parts etc, I will use it I think.

The news was not the end of the world but not the best, won't say too much here obviously.

Feeling a bit better now, everything seems to be under control health wise as best it can be, so I will be looking at private rents, he has no clue, carrying on oblivious really. I think it's dawning on him that I may be quite ill. But I am keeping minimal contact as he has crossed too many lines for me now and I really dislike him as a person although I love him at the same time

It gets easier Advicewanted - your heart will catch up with your head - honest .

Have you been in touch with Womens Aid yet? It could be really useful for you - they can help you with access to legal advice, financial advice and all sorts. Worth a phone call?