Right or wrong to feel guilty?!!

[primrose22]

In a nutshell... I live with my dp and my dc children from previous marriage. When married I was mostly a sahm but have worked part time throughout my dc's lives. This hasn't changed and although our house is a v.happy and harmonious one I feel v.guilty most days. My dp works hard, long hours etc, he is a fantastic step parent and a fab dp, he pays for literally everything as I receive no financial support from my ex. I work approx 10 hours a week and also do about the same in voluntary work. I do everything at home and I'm more than happy doing so but feel so differently being supported by someone who isn't my dc's birth father. So wise folk, hit me with it, how would you feel? Anyone else out there in a similar situation? Thanks x

Pardon me but have you either held a gun to this man's head or refused him sex until he agreed to support you? If neither then WTF have you got to feel guilty for?
He has chosen to form a family with you and be the main wage earner. He contributes the money, and in return he gets fed, laundered, a clean house and the love of his wife and step-DC. If everyone's happy then that's a good deal all round.

Mind you, why haven't you set the CSA on your XP? Has he vanished or does he have no income? It might be worth a try just because it probably wouldn't hurt to have a few extra pennies coming in - if you don't need the spare cash you could always shove it in a savings account and take the kids to Disneyland or even put it aside for their university fees or something).

Similar situation here.. My dp isn't ds's dad.

But - Ds stays with his dad 2 nights a week, and he used to give me money though I asked him to stop. And, both dp and I work full time (more than, about 50 hours a week each).

So, I don't have any financial guilt. However, we can go for weeks sometimes where (due to shift patterns) where dp does all the 'childcare', I.e.; takes ds to school, collects him, does the tea etc.. And at times i feel a bit guilty. But, I remember that he CHOSE to be with me/us, and I can't feel guilty as this is his choice and he is happy.

Maybe if you feel guilty though, you could change things, maybe work more hours to even out the earnings difference? Might help relieve your guilt somewhat.

I would feel guilty.

That I hadn't taught my kid/s to do the housework so i could sit on the balcony/terrace/garden/by the window smoking something good and talking shite to people on MN/other imaginary friends. Do they really need five days a week at school?

Thank you. I do try to remember that he chose to be with us and no, there is not even a hint of sex refusal or guns on display....
My ex, hmmm sadly not much point of contacting the csa, he is a good father to my dc's when he sees them but earns either v.little or nothing. According to the csa calculator he should give me £5 a month.
I could work more and do plan to as my dc's get older but I love being a (mostly) sahm and just need to get rid of this bloomin guilt!
Thanks everyone, I'm just off to the terrace.......

Why would you feel guilty? I was in the same position as you still am but with no guilt.

My eldest 2 ds who incidently are severe SN, their ass wipe dad is not around wasn't from the youngest as a baby.

I don't know where he is, where his money is, can't track him nor do I care. I left very quickly for reasons I won't go in to. He does not even know his children are SN for example.

Both ds were young when I met my DH, he is their dad. He knew when he met me the score and when we moved in together, my career was grinding to a halt, due to needing to care, his was starting. Tough couple of years, then things got easier, we are now married and having our 4th child.

We have a comfortable life, he earns good money allowing me to be at home to care for ds', we do get some help towards costs but it's no where near enough his wages cover everything basically. I don't feel guilty we are soon to be a family of six, just because the bio dad was an ass not interested, nor would I want him to be tbh. DH took on the full works knowing what he got into.

And he is a stunner, I must have been good in a previous life