How do you flirt? Pal needs lessons !

[HinnyPet]

My lovely pal is just venturing back into dating after a 5 year absence from relationships.

Thing is, she's forgotten how to flirt, so her dates are not getting anywhere, she's asking them lots of questions, smiling lots but none so far have asked for a goodnight kiss!

Any suggestions?

Non-verbal communication. Watch his mouth when he talks. Flick/toss/smooth hair. Touch own chest, neck, shoulder while talking. Make too much eye contact. Touch him lightly to make a point, and when laughing. Laugh. There is masses of this stuff on the web.

it could be what she is saying. Being a bit too 'self-protective' and making it clear she isn't that vulnerable a bit too much - overly 'independent' - no room for a man in my life thank you v. much - sort of thing. Could be after such a long time.

we are not keen on being rejected.

Maybe she's being too 'nice'? Just relax and be yourself, that's attractive and easier to sustain than a self-conscious effort at flirting.

The eye contact and touch is a signal to move to the next level from talking. So if she's having a great time and he's happy and they are sitting close by, to touch his arm to emphasis a point, while leaning forward slightly.

And why can't she kiss him goodnight?

She lost her fiancé in a terrible accident years ago, hence she's just getting into dating.
Hmm, agree about her being very independent, perhaps she could downplay that a bit?
I just want her to be happy.
Thank you for your replies.

Am about "downplaying the inependence" FFS. You said she wanted to seem more available, not more desperate!

Relaxed body language leads to a more relaxed feeling. It's just one of them things.

Isee - it's a bit more delicate than appearing 'desperate'. After such a long time she may well have established her 'self care' pretty well - to the point where she is giving mixed messages i.e. I am interested ( body language), but giving verbal clues to her own sense of self-protection which means making those boundaries a bit too deep and thick.

no need to be so angry.

I did go a bit mad on the scowly faces.

But your reply still smells of "acting helpless" to me. It's quite possible for a man to like & fancy a woman who can take care of herself, you know.

I'd even suggest that downplaying her "sense of self-protection" is quite a good way for a woman to attract a sexist, potentially abusive twat. I can't stay up to argue it, though ... and I guess OP's friend doesn't need us to tell her who she is!

I didn't say she wanted to appear more available or desperate, if you read my original post I was asking for some helpful suggestions as to how she can "improve" her flirting skills!
She would never ever dumb herself down, that's not what I meant at all.

indeed - I am attracted to women who can take care of themselves - it's an attractive quality.

there is something being lost in translation here! Just that if the friend is already flirting, she may be confusing the poor souls with other messages. I think the OP sees this as a possibility. That's all.

Where are all these dates from? Online dating?

Are they just 1st dates, but she's getting no requests for 2nd dates? I think most 1st dates are kiss-free, aren't they?

Ah she lost someone. :(

That's sad and it makes it doubly difficult IME. I'm the second wife DH has had, his first died and frankly, it's quite tough because from day one, friends and family have had their judgey pants firmly on and compared and contrasted me with his first wife. Mostly unconsciously. But it can be hard to see how you will ever compare with someone who has died, as they are automatically remembered as perfect.

Also tragedy is very tricky in a dating situation, if you know someone has been through a trauma it can stilt conversations.

However, it's clear that people who would be put off by that are probably not worth bothering with anyway, but that's not much help to her.

Where is she looking for dates? How does she meet people. She's far more likely to meet normal blokes at business networking meetings or even a plumbing course than online/in the pub.

Tell her to do something that will boost her confidence - gym? Rock climbing, something that scares her.

Something that scares her? Now.. that's an interesting idea. We could both do that.
She's meeting men from an "exclusive" dating agency and they fix her up with blokes who appear to share her values.