Did anyone start going off partner after birth of baby?

[LovingYummyMummy]

I have been with my DH for 5 years & i love him dearly. However, our baby is 7 months old & I have recently started feeling like i can't be bothered showing my husband any affection.

He is a wonderful man & i am so luckily to have him in my life. He is a good husband & amazing Father when he is here. He is currently working 6 days a week from 7am to 6pm plus starting up his own business. I feel like what we had as a couple has gone. We used to be so close & so attectionate towards each other. Now, when we do have time together, I'd rather watch telly, read a magazine or sleep.

My DH is only home for maybe an hour before our son goes to bed which i do every night as he's breastfeed & won't look at a bottle for his bedtime milk.

I know that everything my DS does is for my son & i but, I'm starting to feel like he's a spare part & it's a chore to just give him a cuddle. I don't want to ever be without him but I don't know how to be with him right now & it's breaking my heart. HELP!!

LYM a seven month old baby draws on a lot of your emotional energy - it is still very early days. Breastfeeding definitely affected my sex drive, too. I really wanted my body back for me for a while, when I wasn't feeding.

I would say that what you are feeling is entirely normal. Making sure that I got enough sleep was a big help for me in putting things back into perspective. Even if you have broken nights, try to go to bed early - ie 8pm, once a week, to top up your sleep. When your dp is home, make sure that you get some 'you' time too - chance for a long bath or time to go to the hairdressers.

Then you can also timetable time in for you and your dp to spend time together, once a week - reading the newspaper, enjoying a special meal which you get delivered, watching a good DVD, or just some more precious sleep. Remember you are still working through the first year - probably the most difficult of your life. Look after yourself. Look after each other if you can. Things do and will get easier

I agree with PP. I felt the same way after DS1 was born. Breastfeeding itself will provide a MASSIVE bond between you and your little one, becuase of the hormones produced. I'm still BF my 14 month old so I understand. There was a time when I thought how much better I liked DS's smell compared to my P.

I think its completely normal, and with not having a lot of time with your DH then it makes it harder.

Try and sleep when possible, make sure you get You time, (with a young baby you can easily get 'Touched out' so to speak and just want to be left alone) and then schedule some time in for romance or something even if just once a month at first.

Also, have you told DH how you feel? You can do it in a very nice way, just saying that since DC you have felt more distant from DH etc... It's probably likely he feels the same and would jump at the chance to rekindle those feelings

Thanks for advice ladies. Talked to DH & he felt it too. We had a really good chat & had a date night on Saturday that really helped. It was our first since DS was born. We always said before DS was born we would make time for each other but it never happened. DS took over our lives more than we could have imagined. That is mostly my fault as I don't trust anyone else to after him. Anyway..we are moving forward & getting back on track. Thanks again.

It gets better... give it time. Someone once told me it takes 2 years to return to yourself from having a baby and I think they may be right (sorry new mothers everywhere). DD is 18mo and I am feeling more and more like 'me' and coming out of the mummy fug where only DD and I were important. A year ago I couldn't really care less about my husband but this is rebalancing itself.

Also I found that I was starting to get angry with my husband which made my feelings towards him worse... At the time I thought sex was the last thing I wanted but I think at least some of it was actually my frustrated libido trying to make itself heard!

I understand getting mad at your husband. I shout at mine for the slightest thing now. I'm starting to feel like I have 2 kids in the house or that he is intruding on my routine. I hate this as we never had a cross word before DS was born.

2 years hey....I've a long way to go then. Maybe it doesn't help that I'm unhappy with myself & the weight I've put on. I feel totally unsexy & I wonder how he could still fancy me. My problem is though, as I'm breastfeeding I'm not aloud to diet yet. I feel like a Mother now & nothing else.

Me & DH had our night out which was lovely but I was itching to get home to DS even though he was fast asleep the whole time. How am i ever gonna leave him to go back to work?

Everything you describe sounds so normal. If it's any consolation, when things get better as DS gets older you're relationship with DH will be much stronger and richer for being parents. Also, I have to say that once my libido came back it was amazing and sex is better now than before (my youngest is 2.5).

I can't comment on going back to work as I'm a SAHM, except to say that when I was deciding whether or not to go back (and I know I was lucky to have the choice) I couldn't imagine being away from DD, but by the time she was a year old I could see that it wouldn't have been such an issue, and indeed did start leaving her with my mum much more.

I'd recommend the book What mothers do especially when it looks like nothing by Naomi Stadlen. As I remember it, there's a chapter called 'snapping at my partner'.

My biggest advice though is keep going with the date nights, and also if there's any chance you could have time for you (I did some evening classes once a week) it can help tremendously too.

I feel similarly LYM, ds is 17mo and for at least the first 12mths I was so entirely focussed on him that dh came a (v) poor second. I think it's entirely natural especially if you BF as they are your whole world. I did find however that once I'd gone back to work I felt more like me rather than just ds' mum, I felt more attractive wearing my smart work clothes and also more interesting as I had other things to think about/do rather than just ds. I was also used to being away from ds during the day and having to focus on other things and therefore if I know ds is being well cared for then I can focus on dh. We've now instigated monthly date nights and that does make a difference and now that ds goes to bed around 7 and sleeps through most nights then that helps. Tbh though it's the not the same as it was before ds and often I would rather read a book than have sex but it is gradually getting better though do find I have to work at it more than before.

Oh yes and buy some new clothes - you don't have to spend a fortune, but one or two things which make you feel lovely now (with baby weight and all) can help give you a boost too. One of my friends forced me to do this and I couldn't believe the difference it made to how I felt day-to-day.

I had these feelings and it does take time.
Whoever thinks that having a baby brings you closer is so wrong.

my DD is 5 months and all i want to do is watch tv or be on MN,really don't have any feeling towards sex,i get enough sleep,baby is easy but i just don't feel anything,i have lost all the weight i gained,so what is the issue?

its nice what the other op said,it will take 2yrs,i am feeling better already,also it doesn't help that i got a s section and fear that having sex will damage me more,,i know,silly really but can't help,,

let me know how it goes