Trying but failing to move on

[MakeYerOwnDamnDinner]

My last relationship ended almost a year ago. I had been very much in love with this person and he said he felt the same. We didn't get to see much of each other (I'm a single parent so most of my time is taken up with my responsibilities to my children) and he also had his own commitments. Eventually he decided that he couldn't go on the way we were (only seeing each other once a week or so) and ended the relationship. It wasn't a very clean break as our feelings were still there and I've never really felt like I got proper closure on the relationship.

I had tried a few times to get in touch via e-mail or phone but for some reason he didn't even seem to want to be friends and just ignored my attempts to make contact, so I don't try anymore.

I know now that he has a new girlfriend so he has obviously moved on, but I just can't seem to. Despite such a big passing of time, I'm still heartbroken. I know it's ridiculous and I just need to let it go - believe me, it's not as though I haven't tried. It's like I just start to feel better and then something happens and I'm back to square one.

I hate feeling like this - I feel pathetic. I just want to be over it, but for some reason the hurt is still there, as fresh as ever.

Some advice would be much appreciated.

Its not really that long, you do need time to get over something that hurts you.

But I think you can help yourself to speed the process by not communicating at all with him or asking about him etc, etc. If you are still entertaining any hopes you could get back together, this will defninitely get in the way of getting over him.

If you are worried that this is getting in the way of you living a normal and happy life, have you thought about counselling? It could help to talk things through and get it in perspective.

I hope it gets better. It took me two years to feel 'better' and I am still not completely over it, but much, much better than I was a year ago. I don't think that is much time at all.

Thanks Spero. I am actually seeing a counsellor anyway - not specifically for this issue, although we have discussed it - but just generally. It's helpful, but with this I just seem a bit stuck.

I don't communicate with him anymore and haven't for about three months. I broke our face-book connection too. I feel as though I'm doing all the right things but they're not working!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been through a similar experience - it's not much fun is it?

I think the problem is that it is such a long sloooow process that you can easily lose heart and think it is not getting better, but it is, bit by bit.

I still think about him a lot, but whereas a year ago I would probably tear up while doing it, now I don't and find myself thinking about other things more often.

Grief is a hard thing to move on from; it is like a death, the hardest thing is often, I tihnk, to mourn the loss of a future you hoped for. and that is so dangerous, as you don't have any reality to bring your fantasies down to earth.

I hope you will be in a much better place a year from now. It sounds like you are doing all the right things.