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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

my marriage feels so boring

4 replies

00Amber00 · 05/09/2010 13:17

hey everyone

thought i'd post on here to see if i am in minority thinking my marriage might be over. dh and i have been married for 7 years and have a 1 year old daughter. we come from different cultures and backgrounds, although nothing too radical, i.e. both come from european countries and our families are different in terms of drive and ambition. i was brought up to be motivated and ambitious but to a sensible level with all your tipical family values. my dh was brought up in a good family but has never had much of a drive in terms of his career, he has his own business now but no other interests. and i guess this is where the problem lies. he does not like to socialise, go to theatres/galleries etc. i think you get the point. he is simply happy to come back from work, eat and sit in front of the tv. he has no hobbies and we very rarely talk about anything as nothing seems to interest him except his parents and his business. in other words i am very bored in my marriage and have brought it up on a number of occassions, sugar coted and not but nothing seems to work, i.e he is ok for a week or so and then goes back to his old self. he has never helped out much around the house and i don't mean necessarily cleaning. he apparently hates any kind of diy and i end up doing all the things that a man would tipically do around the house. he has never helped much with our daughter either and since i've had her it all really hit me as to how unhappy i am with him. before you say it i am not depressed as feel very upbeat about my life and enjoy getting back into my career i just find i am starting to dred coming home, only looking forward to seeing my daughter, and when i am not with him i don't even think about him anymore it's as if the feelings i've been having for so long are slowly killing my love for him. he is very generous and works hard to bring the money in but so do i and i don't feel i should be settling for somebody simply on this basis. when we got marries i knew we were a little different but i thought with time some of my energy would rub off on him and it did because he started his business whilst with me but then it stopped there and it seems i want more from life and he so does not!

OP posts:
toomanystuffedbears · 05/09/2010 19:31

My dh works very hard and is exhausted so we don't go out/entertain at all. When he is feeling up to it, going out is taking a walk, going to McD for a Happy Meal with our toddler, going to the bookstore to browse for an hour or so...(separately!). Not much conversation either.

I can only suggest finding some girlfriends and go out with them. I have not had much luck with that, as I am a bit of a misfit, but I find my own happiness in my hobbies-quilting and journals and walking.

hairytriangle · 05/09/2010 19:59

This is very difficult (I've been in a not disimilar situation) and you have my sympathy. With me, there were complicating factors, but in the end (after a very long time of living quite seperate lives - because I wanted to sociaslise and he didn't), I realised how much life was passing me by and that we were basically incompatibale.

We seperated.

It was very difficult. But it was the right thing for me.

Sorry I can't offer you any advice, but I just wanted you to know that there are other people out here who know how it feels.

creequealley · 05/09/2010 20:04

can you go out with friends to go to theatre and do the socialising you want. He's obviously OK with staying at home and babysitting. It might also change his ideas seeing you going out and having fun.

00Amber00 · 07/09/2010 12:32

I often go out with friends myself and so far it's not changed him yet. Yesterday he said he just wants some piece and quiet when he gets back from home which extends to our one year old, which i find very upsetting as if she is not in her best mood he gets annoyed with her. I would understand if he had a high-flying career with a lot of pressure and deadlines, but he hasn't. Even then I would like to still have a life outside work even if he might not. But now to simply want to sit there and stare at the telly after what is not a highly challenging day's work is surely isn't right.

I think eventually we might end up like triangle, separated. I've tried including him but sometimes it seems we are just too different and at the end of it all i can't force him to be who he isn't. I'd like him to be my friend as well as husband and would not want to have friends to enjoy time and chats with instead of my husband. now he doesn't even want to chat about household stuff and childcare.

Finding this all very frustrating, thanks for your replies!

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