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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To fight or not to fight

5 replies

rmm · 04/09/2010 16:23

DH and i have been married for 10 years.
We have 2 great DD and i honestly thought that we were the perfect family until i got broody agaian.
Long story DH decided that he doesnt want any more and i reluctantly have agreed for now!
Thing is that we have had a really up/down relationship.
When we get on we are great.
But recently we seem to fight about everything.
If i say the grass is blue he'll say its green just becassue he's entitled to his own opinion.
This related to almost everything and most especially his family.
I feel that i have had to compromise on something i really want and surely DH should make more of an effort to be on the same page as me.
He doesnt have to have the same opinion on everything.
But sure on some things?
The daft part is normally we';ll have a massive agrument over the difference of opinion and i'll be really upset and then he'll want to apologise!!
Its making me feel really negative about life and in particular about giving up my dream of a 3rd dc.
What should i do??

OP posts:
Beethoven · 04/09/2010 16:27

Could it be that when you say the grass is blue and he says it's green, it's because he's right? (Sorry, couldn't help myself)

Seriously, the 3rd child issue is the biggie isn't it, and only one of you can get their way there, there is no compromise. What's stopping him from wanting a third baby?

sorrento56 · 04/09/2010 16:35

Were you like this before he said he didn't want another baby? Are you fighting more because you are looking for a way out to have a child with someone else?

rmm · 04/09/2010 18:19

dont know if i want out!
I just want my way!!
There is only 1 person who gets there way in the 3rd child issue, and til now it didnt bother me but now it feels like such a big deal.
I dont want childre with anyone else but if i compromise will i regret it for the rest of my life?
And if i force him to have an unwanted child then will he resent it for ever??

The third child. Well we have planned financially for 2 children. Its allowed me to sah with the girls, give up work for now.
To have a 3rd we'de have to consider me going back to work. Plus DH will be so much older as the kids get older and TBH i just dont think he wants another baby around.
I was so sure the 2 DD would make us a complete family so what happened??? I didnt mean to change my mind it just happened!!

i guess we've always been really opinionated. But recently it just feels like dh argues for the sake of arguing even about issues that arent necessarily important.

It started before the whole third child conversation/decision. But now everything seems like such an issue

OP posts:
sorrento56 · 04/09/2010 18:52

Having your own way about where to go and eat or what colour to paint the lounge. Fine. Wanting your own way over a baby, not on. And what I mean by that is you seem to be stamping your feet a bit about it.

LadyLapsang · 04/09/2010 20:23

Why don't you offer to go back to work and contribute financially, with the understanding that you will review the 3rd child issue in a year?

Think you sound a bit spoilt, you had an agreement to have two children and be a SAHM, which happened. You now want to change the agreement so I think it's up to you to show how it may work and five people will not be financially dependent on your DH.

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