Adult sibling rivalry

[Beethoven]

Has anyone else ever or still have this problem with a sibling?

My sister is two years older than me, and we argued as kids, but it's like we never grew out of it. I'm 30 and she's 32, but it still seems as we're rivals, and I think it's ridiculous.

When we were kids, I was the academic one, and went off to university, got a PhD, whereas my sister didn't got a job and has worked at it. Neither of us is financially better off. I earn a little more, but then she started out a little earlier.

I think we've grown up apart, I'm very bookish, read the guardian, go on holiday to france and watch french films. My sister's more of a tabloid reader, likes her Hollywood blockbusters, doesn't read books, etc and so there's that aspect where we're different.

From my point of view, she's very secretive, wouldn't tell me anything about her life, and really wants nothing to do with me. She probably views me as condescending. From my point of view, I don't think we're in competition and just want a normal relationship.

Anyone else ever manage to resolve this?

PS, there should be a comma in the third paragraph "...whereas my sister didn't, got a job..."

Well, I don't have any marvellous advice about resolving the problem, but I do think you sound condescending towards your sister.

And also, strangely, your post actually sounds competitive: Guardian reader vs tabloid reader, french movies vs hollywood blockbusters...

It just comes across as being quite judgemental towards her. Maybe this is what irks her?

Just because you share more than the average amount of genetic material with a person, does not mean there is any reason why you would get on, or enjoy being in each others' lives.

You say she seems to want nothing to do with you. Well, do you want anything to do with her, as a person? Or is it just because you are sisters and you think you should? Spend time with your friends, and people who you like.

You haven't said anything that makes it soun like she is competitive, it just sounds like she doesn't like you very much.

Thanks Olivia,

I can see how that sounds condescending, but I'm not making a value judgement between our two lives. I didn't say that the guardian is better than the tabloids, or that french cinema is better than hollywood.

Is that not a sort of inverse snobbery situation? I work in academia, and I have over the years taken on the mores of the people I work with, I can't deny that.

Trillian,

I think it's not that I think we should get on, but that we'd like to. I suppose competitive is the wrong word, but I just think she views me as a threat.

For example, she's engaged to get married, but if I ask when they're getting married, she says it's none of my business.

That is odd behaviour. I still think the best way to go is to view her as someone who you don't really have anything in common with any more. Like an old schoolfriend who you don't talk to much any more.

If she reacts strangely when you are trying to be friendly/nice/make normal conversation then that's her problem, you don't have to waste your time on her.