If your parents divorced or split up did it come as a surprise? How did you react and how do you feel about it now?

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I'll start.

Yes, was surprised. I was aged 10 and it came totally out of the blue.

My mother was completely devastated and never got over it so I spent my teens living with a woman with depression and alcoholism.

My dad remarried and had three further children but I have never been close to them. He was a pretty neglectful father to me, tbh.

Am not close to either parent now.

Possibly not relevant but mine split up when i was too young to remember, really - before I was three, I think.

But at the time I just accepted it s normal, so no stress there really, and tbh I feel sadder about it now, sometimes, because it's sad whem parents split. However, my parents being a case in point, sometimes it's for the best - I'm glad I was spared years of hearing them row (not that they never disagreed, but at least I didn't hear most of it) and they would have been fucking dreadful together.

I count myself as lucky that they split up as soon as they did. My friend and her dh split when their children were aged between 16 and 24 and it was highly traumatic for all of them.

Came as a relief to me. There was violence and my Dad drank a lot. Best decision my mum ever made. Found it hard when she met a new partner but was just happy she was heppy.
Always thought I'd have the perfec family but I'm now a single mum. I do know though that it's always better to have two parents apart then unhappy together. Wish they'd split earlier.

*happy
*perfect

I was 11 and very surprised. It was Easter Sunday and my dad had been told by his best friends wife that my mum and the best friend had been having an affair for 3 years. They have been married for 25 years now (my mum and best friend). My dad never remarried, he was devastated and angry for a long time. :( My mum didn't want my brother and I to live with her so that was nice.
Think it was for the best in the end though, my dad is much happier these days. :)

Massively relieved. We were teenagers when they finally split.

Our sham pristine to the rest of the world family life, was peppered with their affairs, fury, unhappinesss, violence, abuse and our dad's alcholism which we the children, bore the brunt of. I wish my mum had felt able to leave earlier.

Living with an alcoholic or addict is so unbelievably damaging to children. (In my experience anyway). I can't imagine putting my children through that.

I was 14 when my parents split up and it was a relief. They hadn't liked each other for years, nothing awful or destructive, but I had told them to split up on a couple of occasions as they drove me up the wall arguing.

Divorce was stressful but within a couple of years (1990) dad had a new house in the same town while me and my sister stayed in the family home with mum. No need for formal contact with dad as he gave us the keys to his house and we saw him all the time.

Both parents re-married and had much much better lives, we had 2 christmases every year and a bigger extended family. Was very close to my dad who died in June and am close to mum.

I was an adult when mine divorced and off at university when they separated. I was relieved.

total shock. never argued. just grew apart apparently.

Total shock. No fights, arguements or anything, he just left for another woman. He came back and went four times before mum said enough was enough.

Four days before he left he had sent mum a dozen red roses, then accused her of seeing someone else.

I was 11, db was 9.

I was very worried about mum, she lost 4 stome in weight and ended up weight 6st5 when she was 5ft 7. She was a skeleton.

My DB went right off the rails, we went to counselling (me, DB, mum, dad was not interested).DB now admits if he had not gone into the army at 16 he may have ended up in prison. I believe him.

I was very wary of blokes, married a bloke I though I trusted to love me, and never leave me for another woman. He didn't, he was gay!

It took me til I was 28 to sort it all out in my head, I had counselling and am now happily married to my real DH, with 3 DC, but still don't have anything to do with my dad.

I was grown up by the time they split up and I was really relieved!

I'm another one of those who was relieved because the atmosphere at home was so poisonous. I was an only child and the split came when I was 13, after me saying for years to my mother, Why don't you end it? He wasn't a bad father tho a bit distant and not really interested in the doings or thoughts of a child, and he could be sort of tyrannical. But he was a rotten husband (a rotten good-looking husband) and had affairs right and left. There was a woman who was one of his regulars, and he used to take me to her place and leave me reading magazines in the living room while they went into the bedroom and bonked. (Guess that also doesn't make him a very good father either.) He didn't seem to realise that I knew what was going on, but I was 11 and clued up. I just sort of took it for granted that I didn't interest him much.

My mother finally plucked up the courage to kick him out, with my blessing, and he was furious but I think that was caused more by hurt pride than the loss of his marriage. I got on OK with him after the split, during my teen years. He'd take me out and we'd do fun things together like we never did while he lived in the same house with me. Then I grew up and went away and we didn't see each other for 18 years. Both my parents went on to make more successful 2nd marriages - stepdad & stepmum were/are sweeties. Later my dad and I re-established connection and now he and DH get on like a house afire. And no, DH doesn't treat me like my dad used to. He'd be DX if he did.

I don't think marriages should be kept together at all costs "for the sake of the children". Living in a toxic atmosphere isn't good for ANYone.

I was well into adulthood and beyond relieved when my parents finally split. Dad was/is first class asshole and my mum finally got free of him. In fact, I was so happy when she said she wanted a divorce, I sorted out the paperwork and took her out for a meal to celebrate. Best decision ever made.