What should i do?

[Teletubby]

I'm having a bit of a dilema at the moment. I'm wanting to return to work part-time as i am finding being at home all the time really difficult. My husband sees me wanting to work as me not being able to cope with motherhood, i feel guilty enough for feeling the way i do and without his support it's making me feel even worse. He says that we shouldn't have had another baby and that there certainly won't be anymore if i can't cope! I love my kids dearly but i feel that i would be a better mother and enjoy motherhood more if i had a balance between work and home life - i think it would make me appreciate the time that i do have with them more and give me more energy to do things with them. At the moment i just feel so fed up and feel so bored and just find myself feeling really trapped. I feel terrible for feeling like this! His solution is to go off and have a facial or five minutes on my own but he's missing the point i just feel i need a bit more, a bit more use of my brain. Lots of mothers work and aren't bad mothers for doing so so why do i feel so bad? I'm fed up with the housewife routine, sick of washing and cleaning! It would break my heart to leave my children but i'm at a loss as to what to do. I feel so selfish but need to do something.

[Tortington]

you are completely right and your husband is insane.

if you lose yourself whilst bringing up your children you will become a nasty mother, one who begrudges the kids, ask your husband if he would swap with you.

motherhood is diferent for everyone - we all deal with it in different ways. you do not have to be at home all the time to be a good mother, this would assume that all members of society who have to work for financial reasons are bad parents, and this simply isnt true.

if you feel you are losing yourself, you feel you have further self potential to explore, you feel trapped and long for more - then you cannot be the great mother you want to be.

tell your husband to stick his false ideals up his ar*e, then let him cook tea, change nappies, vacume, polish wash dry care for the emotional and physical welbeing of your children - and do this with the guilt of the whole universe on his shoulders. then he can comment, until then you need him to lay of the sarcastic unhelpful comments and sit down with you to come to some kind of agreement.

[Chinchilla]

Teletubby - totally know where you are coming from! You have every right to work if you want to. It would do your children good to be at a nursery a couple of days a week. I am always worried that I am making my ds too dependent on me by being with him all day every day. If I went back, it would be for a couple of days a week, and I would probably only earn enough to pay for the nursery and a take-away each week. However, that is not the point. I feel like my brain is festering inside my skull through lack of use. I used to hold down a stressful job.

Anyway, it will be harder without the 'blessing' of your dh, but he is not your master! If you feel that it will do you (and therefore your kids) good, what is the problem.

I hope that you find something satisfying to your brain!

[Teletubby]

Well, he's in from work so i'm going to sit down and try and have a proper chat without it ending in the old 'fine get a job!' I know he's not my keeper but i think, given how guilty i feel, i need some kind support from him not some pi**ed off kind of lame agreement to my plans - they are OUR children after all so i think he shouldn't leave all the arrangements about their up bringing down to me!