my relationship with myself -

[truecolours]

had a bit of a momment this past weekend when i realised i am me.

Following a traumatic divorce where i just over the years lost myself i supose.

I moved and i knew noone, i spent the first year working on my home and i didnt want to go out or be seen.

But thats changed and im back to being me. I had some many invitations this bank holiday just gone and DD and i had a fablous time. I get out and about and DO exciting things and a close friend i recently got back in touch with confessed that she aspired to me more like me :)

My social life is good, ive got friends and people wanting to spend time with me. My family are still shit - but that will never change.

My looks have changed and although ill never be slim ( am a 14) im happy with how i look. I like to stand out and be different for people to notice me when i walk into a room and i feel confident in that now.

I recently donated a load of old clothes to charity - i cant believe what i was wearing - its like looking at the clothes of someone else.

Im still single and would like to be in a relationship - were as a few months ago i was frantically dating like a mad thing, im now only dating people who i want to, not just saying yes to anyone who asks.

Im kind of proud of myself. its taken 19 months and has been steady progress but im me again - and happy to be.

Shall never get lost again.

I know exactly what you mean! I had this moment, years ago, after I had come out of a long term relationship. I didn't know any different was desperate to get into another one. Thankfully a whiff of my eau du desperation was enough to put off many men and I got into really discovering "who" I am. I went on to push myself out of my comfort zone to do things alone and get comfortable doing them so that I wouldnt want to be in a relationship or even any relationship out of desperation. So I went to the cinema alone, dined alone, went to the theatre alone and even went on holiday alone. I really learned to love and value my own company.

Just wanted to say how inspiring this is :)
I am 5 months post split, the divorce is going through, I have had some counselling, and am just dipping my toes into building a social life. I hope I will be able to be 100% positive like you very soon!
Things are definitely heading that way, but with a few wobbles.
Thank you!

Great post and thread!

I know this is what I need to do.

xx

Aww, this is a great thread...why's no-one adding to it?!

They are all too busy going out!

Probably!

thanks - i hoped at least somone would gain something from it.

Its quite amazing to feel this way - and actually for the first time in my life i am truely happy with myself. I know who i am and am not afraid or that, nor am ii trying to be something im not.

really, when i was married and for a fair few months post spilt i didnt even want to go to the shops. I just didnt even want people to see me. That was stiffling seeing as im a natural extrovert, i love being the centre of attention, i love people looking at me, i love being loud and full of life, so to have got to that point, where i wanted to hide in my own house was pretty horriffic.

Now i dress how i want to dress, my hair and make up is how i want it. Ive been encouranged by my hairdresser to have a more unusual cut and colour because i could take it. and shes right i can. Not a day goes by without someone complementing my hair. Im way more experimental with my make up and i love it.

I get compliments on how fab my child is and what a credit she is to me, and compliments on my home, my garden, my work and how i manage them all.

But most of all the best compliments are the ones from friends, old and new friends, ones who knew me before and ones who have only known me a short while.
When people say things ( without fishing for compliments) like they think im amazing. Or that they are jealous of my exciting life, or that they love my lust for life, or how my smile lights up and room, and everyone takes notice of me and i dont even realise. or how they would like to be just a bit like me.... ( all things that have been said i the last week)
well... it actually makes me cry. because that is so lovely to hear that i cant actually believe it.

The only sad part is that i was like this all along, i just got stiffled by someone who claimed to love me, but just squashed me down until i was nothing... and i never even realised it was happening.

Everything in life is built on relationships - the most important one you can have is with yourself.

Get that right and others will follow, those that don't are the ones you don't need.

I'm discovering myself having lost me for a long time. I like me.