I think I've worked it out!!! it's all about control!!

[DogDays]

Ok I posted this morning about DP never wanting to kiss me.

I've just been sat thinking and suddenly it all makes sense.

It goes all the way back to when we were just dating. We'd be in bed, messing around but he'd always stop before it got to sex - leaving me highly frustrated next to him! I thought he was just nervous about "the first time" but this went on for quite a while, lots of foreplay but no sex. Someone suggested to me that he was just attempting to show me "who was boss" which I thought a little ridiculous -

But - now if I show no interest in him, he instigates it. If I instigate anything, he cold shoulders me.

Example, a few weeks ago I was really missing intimacy. I kept trying to hug him, kiss him, instigate sex - he was having none of it and almost made out that I was clingy. I really thought I'd done something wrong or he was having an affair. Getting sick of rejection I decided to keep my distance. Almost immediately, he started to instigate hugs, pulled me over to kiss, instigated sex .... I thought "great, we're back to normal" and then as soon as I went back to being warm with him, the cold shoulder returned and he wants nothing to do with me.

He's doing it on purpose isn't he? he wants the control? He's a very controlling person anyway and after a number of rows over him controlling me, he's stopped the obvious stuff (like telling me I can't go out etc) but started with this subtle cold shoulder routine. Using a little psychology, I'm wondering if he's doing this because he's realised it's one thing he CAN control??

Or am I talking shite?

I think this proves the point that when one controlling tactic is acknowledged , another one quickly takes its place. Have you thought that he is just generally taking the piss and purposeley making you suspicious ?

And i doubt that he has drasticly changed in the last few weeks, it sounds like hes always been an abusive tosser and is now just employing new tactics. Why on earth did you tolerate him going through your phone and following you in the first place ? And wont let you out ? You sound like you beleive he has a right to do this.

As he gets bored of making you suspicious he will likeley find another tactic, be very carefull, it will escalate and often into violence. If youve got children they will be aware of whats going on , do you really want them to think this is normal and seek out similar relationships ?

Id kick him the fuck out ,, today. The least of your problems is whether hes having an affair or not. Id also enroll on the freedom programme to make sure you spot these fuckers next time.