Saying sorry - not a "man bashing" thread

[lavender11]

My husband never says sorry, even when he is quite obviously wrong and about hurtful things. He does however do things which suggest he knows he did something wrong but cannot say the word (ever). For example last night he went to the supermarket and amongst other things bought some flowers and when I came in the room he was putting them in a vase. I think they were for me but he never said they were for me or the word "sorry". My previous boyfriends were all like this. From memory they only ever said "sorry" when we were splitting up. I guess this means I have come to expect never to hear the word. Is this common with men? I had assumed it is (although acknowledge this is to some extent a big generalisation) or have I just picked a certain type of man?

Why would hr apologise for buying you flowers?

I personally am reluctant to say sorry because I rarely mean it, and prefer to be honest...

Dh is much better at saying sorry than I am.

In fact he seems to automatically say sorry whenever he senses I'm pissed off, even if it's actually nothing to do with him at all!

I don't think it's all men - DH will say sorry when he's upset me. Or do something to show he's sorry - but if it was something like buying me flowers he'd hand them over and look sheepish and say "dunno how you put up with me", not just put them somewhere and assumed the apology could just be left unsaid.

I think you need to talk to him and say it's important to you that he acknowledges when he is in the wrong.

thanks for your thoughts. i dont think talking to him will work. he is quite like that. he doesnt like to be asked to do anything either, but on the upside he is very pro active and tries to "do" everything and contribute anyway. but if i asked him to do something specific (particularly at the wrong moment) it would go down very very badly. sometimes it makes me sad that he will never say sorry. a lot of the time i just guess that that is how he is and for as long as he values our relationship through his actions this is how it will be. you can't change people

My dad never, ever, ever says sorry. He sounds like your DH in that he will make gestures to make amends etc, and fix any problem, but he just won't say the word. My DP rarely says it too but he has been known to, in arguments and for smaller things, unlike my dad. I think it's a pride thing, and find it more amusing than anything.
I am the opposite, will apologise for anything and everything!

if my boyfriend won't apologise I twist his nipples.

Alarm bells ringing at "if i asked him to do something specific (particularly at the wrong moment) it would go down very very badly"

So he's never wrong and he knows everything?

sharon the dynamics of your relationship sound similar to mine. i think it partly stems from his parents divorce (initiated by his mum) followed by some serious contempt by my husband as he was then (teenage boy) for the women who subsequently became his dad's partners. havent quite fathomed it but i think he thinks his dad was too "weak" somehow in his subsequent choice of partners particularly to the extent those women in any way dominate his dad. all very boring. i guess what it sadly boils down to is that he would be capable of saying sorry but only on the day (which at the moment i dont forsee) he received a decree absolute from me....