am I being over sensitive re parents

[ellmum]

First post, and it's a looong and whiney one - sorry!
I had dd nearly 10 months ago, my parents seemed to be very pleased. DD was very long awaited, took many years to get pregnant, everyone very happy etc etc. However, despite making all the right noises my parents have only actually visited us twice (they live 2 hours away).Parents are both retired, both drive and are both healthy. They spend most weekends at their holiday home. DH and I take dd back to our home town as often as we can, but DH has been undergoing daily treatment for a medical problem since before dd was born so it's really a bit tricky for us to travel. Am I expecting far too much from my parents?? I think that they want to seem to be interested - get texts asking to go on skype from time to time - but struggle with actually doing anything about it. Basically, do I just need to accept that they would rather go away for the weekend than see my dd? I do, don't I.

I think you do, I'm afraid. I'm sure they think about your DD and you a lot, but if they're not going to be proactive about visiting, then there's not much you can do.

Did you see much of them before the baby? Are they just keeping to the normal state of affairs pre-baby, or have the visits dropped since? Do you invite them over, or are you assuming they'll invite themselves? It could be fear of intruding - not wantiing to be the pushy grandparents.

I think you're right, Hassled,I need to accept that this is just the way it is.
Pre-baby we would go to see them more than they would come to see us, but it is just so difficult at the moment with DH's treatment. We do invite them over, and they say they're busy and maybe we could skype instead. Oh dear, they hate us don't they!! And knowing my mum, it's not a fear of appearing pushy that's stopping her getting involved, nice idea though. I may try and convince myself it is that....

You could just ask her what's going on? I'm sure they don't hate you (although - do they like your DH? Could that be it?) - sometimes being direct is the best approach.

they seem to like dh - never said they don't! And they will contact him for help with various technical things so definitely not wary of him, I know that. I have sort of tried to broach the subject directly but it always ends up being turned against me, not in an overtly unpleasant way, but certainly there's no admission of them perhaps being 'in the wrong' iykwim. I think I need to come to terms with the fact that dd has gp's she's just not going to be close too. I was the same so I know it's not the end of the world. Just would've been nice and I see how close they are to my sister's kids and it looks like they get a lot out of it (not materially, I don't mean that).

close to, obviously, not too..