Practical side of splitting

[imregular]

Does anyone have a list of the practical things to think about in a split. Not there yet, but I need to get myself lined up as I am thinking about doing it more and more

I am totally feckless on the money side - so that't the first thing I need to get on top of - income, outgoings, what money is going where, savings and making sure I have access, possibly putting a bit as back up somewhere in my own name...

Got a mortgage, car each, kids (obviously)...

I was unhappily married but loved my xh and kept hoping the man I married and spent a number of great years with would return.

In the last couple of years of marriage I would think about leaving him but it just seemed an impossible , huge and frightening thought. Also in a lot of ways we had a very good life together and it never felt bad enough to be so drastic with 2 dc to consider as well.

He left last Christmas and although it was extremely traumatic and has been very difficult at times, mostly after the initial shock, I have been happier from the word go.

Now just over a year on I am like a different person .

My dc 11 and 14 are very happy. We both prioritised them from the moment he left and through the usual means - no bad mouthing each other, one night a week/every other weekend without fail, consistent parenting style etc - they seem remarkably accepting of it all (xh brought his ow into their lives 4 months after leaving)

So my view is life is short and although after 17 years its hard to break out if you can then do so. I remember xh saying in our first conversation that one day I would thank him and realise he was doing us both a favour. He was right.

There will always seem like compelling reasons to stay put but done right dc will be just as happy if not more so if you are living in a toxic environment and the money side of things usually seems to come right somehow.

Good luck and remember the cliche life is not a dress rehearsal

The womens aid website also has really practical advice about what to consider taking with you when you leave, so might be worth a look whether you are in a DV situation or not. I left my H very recently, it took me a long time to finally make the decision to leave and then sometime to accept my decision. I feel more centred than I have done in months, possibly years, (sadly) I know I have done the right thing. Although my H didn't want to leave our house he now realises that the children NEED to be at home. I have stayed with friends and family and I could not have done it with out their support and kindness and I am not very good normally at asking for help - but needs must. Trust yourself you will know if and when the time is right to move on to a different future, and if you do decide to leave, be patient with yourself and take it a day at a time. You might have a tough morning/afternoon or evening but it doesn't have to ruin a whole day.

hi have recently separated from ex and here's what i felt i had to do, put some money aside, see CAB, and a solicitor, phone tax credits and see what you may be entitled to, have it all sent to another address if poss just for posting purposes, move items such as passports, etc to a safe place, get rid of as much debt that is solely in your name as you can, as if its in your name its YOUR DEBT no amount of whinging will convince credit card companies of anything else,

make sure you know where all the important documents in the house are and make copies, car insurance mortgage statements etc etc, open your own bank account,move all of your own car documents and make sure you are insured to drive it without being reliant on him, and if and when you are separated be prepared for alot of phoning and letter writing to all sorts of companies to get things put in your name, it has taken me weeks and weeks and i still have a list as long as my arm, sorry dont mean to be alarmist but getting a partner out is just the beginning,

i know the above list makes me look very cunning but when a relationship has completely broken down it is amazing what the other person will take/damage/rip up of your stuff out of spite and it can cause havoc,