Do I just carry on?....

[becaroo]

....I have been with my dh for 15 years and we have been married for 11 of them. We have 2 lovely ds age 7 and nearly 2.

I am not happy. I have not been for some time. When I tried to tell him he replied "well I am".

I want to move. He doesnt. He works full time and is the main breadwinner. I am starting p/t work soon but it wont bring much in.

He is a good father but I feel more and more like a scivvy....all I seem to do is cook, clean, wash etc We havent had sex for ages. I am - honestly - too knackered most of time and the rest of the time I just dont want to. I sometimes feel I never want to again Is this normal at 37??

Instead of moving we have been doing stuff to the house but even that is causing more arguments.

I feel I am staying for the dc. I feel selfish for even thinking these things...he is a good man but I am coming to the conclusion we have nothing in common but the dc. Is it enough?

His family look down on me and always have. We rely on them for childcare so its difficult for me to not see them.

I am not perfect, far from it, and my current feelings certainly prove that.

sigh....what a mess

You really are not alone. I'm there and several friends are at various stages of process - some deciding to stay together; others splitting up.

So hard when DH won't talk. Experience tells me sometimes that is fear of where it might lead (mine was terrified that I was going to say I was leaving) - sometimes it is because they really don't see the problem (my best friend had to file for divorce before her DH would agree to talk).

Would he go to Relate with you? Lots of people find them helpful. Or pass the kids over to the in laws and take him to pub and force the debate.

Can't say whether wanting no sex is normal as everyone different - did you like it before? Would you like to want it again? Does DH notice whether you want it or not (we did not have sex for a year once and DH did not mention it!)

I am 42 with girls of 11 and 8 and just about to get a divorce. Amicable. We did try to put things right but just too much against us. After 22 years hard to do but we both realised that we wanted something more - we are good friends but we both wanted intimate close relationships with more like minded people. Hard call to make as we would not have been desperately unhappy to carry on either.

Let me know how it goes. Happy to chat.

Have name changed as SIL knows my name on here and not really wanting her to know this.

Am in pretty similar situation - been married 11 years and been with DH 16 years. Have two DC 6 and 4.

We haven't had sex for ages - I just don't feel like it. Feel bad about it but don't seem to do anything about it.

Sometimes feel we have nothing in common any more - feel like he doesn't love me any more and really not sure how I feel about him. I don't think I want to split up but wonder if this is all there is to life.

notjustyou thats just how I feel! I thought it was just me!

charitymum sorry to hear about your situation....I am so glad its all amicable for you and the dc.

I just feel so pathetic, you know? He doesnt beat me or mistreat me. He is very mean with money though - he is his parents son!!! His mum and dad have got stuff in their loft that is pre war!!! Honestly! I am seen as really strange because I regularly have a clear out and give lots of stuff to charity. He even moaned when I gave £10 to the DEC pakistan flood appeal FGS.

I am wondering if part of my wanting to move house is a symptom of me feeling so restless and unhappy. I am sure it wouldnt solve anything.

I am so blessed in many ways, I have 2 healthy happy dc and a good man. sigh. Maybe I should just accept that all marriages go through this???

thanks so much for replying to my post x