Can someone please define an "EMOTIONAL AFFAIR"

[YouMightKnowMe]

Title says it all. Whilst you are getting in with your quick answers I will post some of my personal concerns then you can all diagnose with more info!

Yep. I walked in on my H and the "friend" with heads together at one point last year. He insisted they were just good friends for a long time and that night after we'd gone to bed when I tried to question him he got very defensive and angry. It took me 9 more months to finally get the truth out of him on there being an affair. I felt like a gooseberry that night and it felt so odd in my gut and so wrong but when questioned he'd deny it.

Funnily enough the book I read at the time which was recommended on mumsnet, that helped me to finally ask him the right questions and put boundaries in place was called something similar. If he's not prepared to admit the behaviour is inappropriate then you're fighting a lost cause sadly. However the book is still worth reading anyway. It did help me a lot. I just skipped certain chapters that weren't applicable.

Feel free to keep talking on here if it helps to talk to people who've been there and understand, as sometimes when they're busy gaslighting you, you can start to question your thinking

Agree with everyone else, especially WWIFN and Tea. Get that book if not only to reinforce to yourself (and him) that there is such a thing as an emotional affair.

Do NOT let him convince you there is no such thing. My DP had an emotional 'text' affair and IMO because I didn't feel justified enough in how I felt about it we didn't deal with it and he went on and had an actual affair with someone he had been friends with for years.

We got through that and are still dealing with that, but one thing that he has realised is that anything that your partner wouldn't feel comfortable with or you wouldn't want them to see is not on and could be constituted as an 'affair'.

What a knob your H is being to you. So he has told you that he would run away with this woman 'if he could' and yet is ignoring you when you say the marriage is over? Does he expect you to carry on uncomplainingly feeding him and doing his washing and taking care of the DC while he pursues this woman?
I would advise you to see a solicitor, do your research re benefits etc ASAP, then tell H to leave the house.

"9m or so ago DP admits he loves this other woman. He wouild run away with her if he could but that's not going to happen"

I don't really understand why you are still with this man and putting 'D' for 'Dear' in front of 'Partner'.