No Libido

[BigGirlSupport]

Since DS who is now 9mths, I have no libido, I have no sexual urges at all, and it is now becoming a serious problem in my relationship.

I love my DH very much and don't really know what is going on. I feel vaguely sore internally, but nothing specific, and not sure if thats a problem with it all. I have not had a period yet, am breastfeeding, but also weaning baby.

I am so upset that I cannot muster any interest and it is also upsetting DH as he is taking is so personally, even though i have told him it is not him, its sounds so cliche.

Any advice would be good.

few drinks down you and just go for it.

If you dont try at all then it will never happen...just get in the mood.

We have had sex a few times, and it was good, but perhaps a bit awkward, I was a bit sore from birth still and probably from not having sex for a while! But we have had sex, and not just full sex, but only a handful of times.

bump for some more suggestions/ideas as to whats going on with me.

I have just been doing some googling on it, read that it is common after pregnancy, as well as being relatively common amongst women generally. Apparantly it could be hormonal?

Has that been the case for anyone here? Will it come back? Can I do anything to motivate myself to feel even a bit 'in the mood'?

Hi, yes sounds normal. I had the same problem with my libido. It took almost a year before I felt strong urges again. But everything did come back, thank goodness! I think part of what put me off so much was a) my attention was too focused on baby and b) the fear of having another one!!

Can you maybe do something with your DH at least 1-2 x per week even if you don't feel like it? Like a BJ for his sake. Think of it as a household chore! :)

This might be of some help.

In couple relationships, there is sexuality. It may take many different forms at different stages in the relationship and it may be shaped by many forces. The role of sex in a relationship may be influenced by the age of the partners, previous sexual experiences, cultural conventions, religious beliefs, morality and etiquette, personal expectations, and other social and personal influences in the lives of the partners.
But in couples, a sexual life is always assumed to exist at some point in the relationship. It is, at the very least, presumed that there will be a sexual relationship in the future even if one does not already exist.
It is not the intention of this article to improve your sex life. Instead, the goal is to help you reflect upon and explore the nature and role of sexuality in your relationship by taking 4 easy steps. You will be the judge of what's "right" in your relationship.
Step 1: Being Alone Together
Being "alone," usually means just that. But one of the unique features about a couples relationship is that you can be alone, together. The first step in this adventure in intimacy and sexuality is find a private place where no one will bother you, and plan to be in this private environment for at least 30 minutes, alone with one another.
Create an intimate mood by playing soft music, dimming lights, lighting candles, or by making other changes to the environment that will heighten your sense of being alone together. Create a sense of intimacy in which your attention is focused on one another alone without the distractions of daily life.
Step 2: Massage
Each take at least 10 minutes to gently massage one another. Using a massage or bath oil, gently rub your partner's neck, upper back, feet, and hands. As you rub these areas, focus on how they look and feel their contours and texture.
As you massage your partner's hands, pay attention to the way your fingers can interlock and how your partner's hands can respond to yours in return.
You may take more than the 10 minute minimum and you may massage other areas of your partner's body also. You may further enhance the experience by taking a bath or shower together. Besides quiet music and the right lighting, there are other enhancements you can make to your environment to further heighten your sense of intimacy and mood.
Step 3: Absorption
Once you have each massaged one another, sit or lie together and absorb the mood. Explore your partner's face and body with your eyes and by touch if you'd like. Take your partner's hands and lead them to parts of your body you'd like your partner to explore. Use words sparingly.
Although these exercises focuses on sexuality, it is not about sex. Accordingly, the rule in this exercise is no sex. You can look, you can touch, you can kiss, you can feel passionate -- but no sex.
Step 4: Afterplay
Your adventure in sexuality may last only 30 minutes or it may last an entire evening or night. After you have mutually decided that the experience has ended, take some time to be intimate in a different kind of way. Talk to one another. Explore what the experience was like. What was pleasurable? Be honest but gentle. Plan where to go from here.
Summary
Intimacy is often intertwined with sex. In some relationships, intimacy and sex are the same thing, and feelings of intimacy are inseparable from sexual feelings. In these relationships, intimacy does not exist without sex.
But sex and intimacy are not necessarily the same thing, and sexuality plays different a role in different relationships. Take the time to understand the meaning and role of sexual relationships in your relationship, exploring with your partner what you both want and how best to create and live a sexual life that meets both of your needs and desires.

You can find loads of info Here

westlondonhypnosis that is very helpful thank you. I do feel a bit under pressure for sex and really miss the intimacy, its all just so awkward to be intimate as any time I give DH a cuddle, or back rub, he sees it as his chance for sex and tries for more, straight in, presumption is he is going to get some action.

We have talked about it and he has said he misses the intimacy too and that he just wants affection between us, sex is not the issue he does not care, but then we have some intimacy and its there instant, and he makes a comment along the lines of 'what you you expect, i am a man, i have needs'. But so do i, and its not just about him getting his desires fulfulled its about us both feeling fulfilled. And right now, i want the intimacy and think that we could see where that leads us, just as you suggested, that would be great, with no expectation of sex at the end, just to love being with each other and enjoying each other.

But, how to approach it with him. He thinks its as simple as me just changing my attitude. But, i feel like some dried old prune, i just don't feel aroused.

Not just with him, i used to enjoy my own pleasure so to speak, but even that doesn't do anything for me, i am not really enjoying that either.