Just need somebody to talk to

[MamaGogo]

I'm feeling really low.

Dh and I separated about a week ago. I've been fine up til now. It's a long and complicated story. I didn't love him enough and it led to our break-up. Got 2 children and I've been coping, trying to keep upbeat for them.

Don't have family around (200 miles away). He doesn't have family around either (well, a sibling he's not close to, although that's where he's staying until he moves into his new place, hopefully in the next week.)

I've been fine until today I've felt really helpless and alone, wondering how the hell I'm going to do this. Not got a strong social network....a few friends, but obviously they've got lives and kids of their own.

Dh has been really cold, angry (understandably) and distant. Wish we could be friends, but I think that's a long way off.

I wish I could speak to him and let him know I'm not feeling great, but I want him to see me as being strong and getting on with it (as I have been up til now.)

I'm really worried I'm not going to be able to cope alone. He's saying he wants to split custody 50/50, but I'm so scared he's going to see less and less of them and I'll be left doing it on my own.

Started smoking again today, which is adding to my stress and guilt.

Went to a kids bday party today which emphasised my isolation, as everybody was happily chatting to each other, and I tried to make an effort, but nobody was interested.

I hate myself and my life.

Scared I'm going to end up alone forever.

Has anybody got any words of encouragement? I know I've only given half a story, but just feel too drained to write my story.

Is anybody out there?

You poor thing, I'm here....
It's all so recent and raw no wonder you feel so shite.
You do know that it will get better you just need to take one day at a time - cliche I know but sooner or later you know you are going to feel better...
How old are your kids?

Hi there..I haven't any advice I'm afraid, just wanted to say I'm sure things will start to get better for you, even though it's been so tough now. It sounds like you're doing a good job of making difficult decisions for the best. Sorry things are hard right now x

(((hugs))I don't know what to say but I often get lonely too as I don't have friends or family anywhere near me.I have my OH but hardly see him in the week It's all very new and it is always difficult going through a split. Your routine has changed and the habit has been broken. I wish I could help more................where abouts are you? x

Hi Mowmi, thanks for replying.

They're 8 and 5. They're handling it better than I am! The 8 year old cried when we told him, and the next day kept pleading with me to 'make dad cancel the flat and stay together.' But since then they've both been matter-of-fact about the fact that daddy doesn't live here anymore.

I just feel so incredibly stressed whenever I know I have to see/speak to my ex-H because he barely looks at me and when he speaks to me he's so cold. I know it sounds silly, but it's really affecting my self-esteem.

I think my hair is falling out with the stress.

sharra- I'm not that great at making difficult decisions...he was the one who ended it bc I was too cowardly to. I would have plodded on in the relationship for the sake of the kids, which looking back now was never going to work.

pompn- I'm up north. My family are in London.

I think I need the kids to go back to school now so we can get in a routine. Part of the problem is that I don't feel in control, and don't know what's happening half the time as we're not communicating properly.

Mama, it will eventually be so much easier.

I had many a thread on here a few months ago (have namechanged since) as DH moved out and then moved in with another woman two weeks later. I couldn't breathe. I felt as though I was having a permanent heart attack.

Four months down the line, things are much better. DC are very understanding (aged 7 and 5) although both do miss him. The get on very well with new GF as I have had to accept her as being ever-present in H's life. I can now call H and talk about DC without wanting to call him a knobhead. Infact, there have been a few jokes recently.

I love my time alone in the house. My life is so much easier without H. I get so much more time to play with the DC as I am not "doing" for H as well. He was uber lazy and it's amazing how much I simply got on with on his behalf.

Give yourself time. Day by day. I am oop north also...stockport way. Are you close?

Sorry no advice but wishing you the best of luck... xx

Also if you do not love him, I think it is for the best not to be together. And you said you are afraid you will be alone forever, but that will not be the case. If you stayed with someone you did not love untill later on, there would be more chance of you being alone as once you get over the split, you will then be free to meet other men whenever you feel ready. Although I'm sure that is not important to you now as you have so much to deal with right now.

I also think things like this in life make you stronger... xxx

DCS- I never cease to be amazed by women like yourself who can get through something like that. Even though I didn't truly love him, the thought of him getting involved with someone else makes me want to shoot myself! We've been together about 11 years. Probably just stupid pride. Can't wait til the kids are back at school so I can go back to counselling! Yes I'm very near you, location-wise!

Thanks newstart. The rational part of my brain knows this, but I am so bloody frightened!

I'm down south,London area but if you ever need an ear to listen :( Just hope you can start feeling better for yourself soon. I hope you can start building up new friendships and people to rely on around you as well as it must be so difficult trying to do it alone.

Should I text him and say that this bad feeling between us is making me really stressed and can we try and get past it? I'm scared it will lead to a big discussion/row that will make me even more stressed. What do you all think?

if he still loves you and you dont love him i would think he will really resent you.

I cannot imagine someone i love not loving me back and trying to just get along with them.

Sorry i'm really not trying to make you feel bad, I just dont know if its a good idea to text him that or not as it is still very new to him...

Im up North too .
Splitting up is shit , but you know what, it really is a case of time. When i first seperated i spent EVERY night crying, Every weekend upset feeling loneley, upset and like a failure. I honestly felt like doing something stupid on more than one occasion. Plus he was an abusive bastard and a cheat so i had the added thoughts of " all this for nothing ". Id always been a sahm, had few freinds , no family at all , no career , no money , couldnt drive , but worse, no confidence.

Now ? I couldnt give a shit , ive met new freinds , im at uni , im out all the time and i often laugh until my tummy hurts . I often wonder why i didnt do it years ago !
Seems like a million years ago now . Try to think about it as a new beginning, its perfectly normal to be upset, but you really dont know whats round the corner.

Its a painfull, but necessary process. If seeing him is upsetting you, how about limiting contact, ie, have the kids ready when he calls and avoid the chit chat.?

Mama, my post makes the process sound so easy, and it's not. It's horrific and at the time it feels that you will NEVER live properly again.

But you will. And you look back on your relationship with a different perspective. And in my case wonder how I ever let it go on for 13 years.

If you are near to Stockport then feel free to contact me on bone at home @ gmail . com (obv no spaces) and we could arrange a nice play out with the children. Lyme park is beautiful. Take your mind off things.

Hi MamaGoGo- very sorry to hear that you are having a bad time. Is there any possibility of joining a gym: sports and gym classes would be great for giving you a boost. Also good social interaction.

warmest wishes