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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

No affection, never want to spend any time with me - is it all about sex?

5 replies

DogDays · 28/08/2010 09:18

DP has only ever shown me much affection if he thought he'd get sex out of it. In bed he will cuddle and touch but as soon as I say I don't want sex, he will turn over and go to sleep.
He never hugs me, never kisses me, if I hug him he'll hug me back but then tries to push me away saying he's too hot/busy etc. If I go to kiss him he'll "allow" it but will make excuses not to carry on unless he think he'll get sex out of it.
We ran out of condoms about a week ago and he's not come anywhere near me since. No hugs, no kisses - nothing.
I have tried speaking to him and telling him how it feels but it goes in one ear and out the other.
Another thing is that he's started to not want to spend any time with me. He comes in from work, busies himself in the kitchen, after tea he'll put the laptop on and sit there with it for hours, not working, just looking up sport headlines etc or window shopping for boy toys. After the kids went to bed we used to cuddle up on the sofa an watch TV but for the past few weeks, he's not even wanted to do that.
AIBU in wanting a bit of attention that doesn't involve sex??
I can't remember the last time he stroked my hair or did anything "nice" like that.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 28/08/2010 09:26

you do need to talk to him about it, but you're right, it does sound like he only wants sex.

you need to explain that a healthy relationship can only result in sex if both parties feel up to it - ie, you need physical affection more often than when he wants sex.

Sad

my ex was like this, and refused to see my side. unfortunately it was one of the major reasons we split up, so you need to talk to him before it gets to that stage.
Sad

cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 09:31

Hiya, relationships are not all about sex I agree. Affection is an important part of it and doesn't have to end up in sex. Theres nothing wrong with a cuddle and a kiss on the sofa, or just cuddling up to each other in bed. I always think its the little things that matter more. He sounds just like my bf, doesnt want to listen when you try and talk about something which to you or me is important.
Are you pregnant or trying for a baby?

moocowme · 28/08/2010 12:13

does he do porn? my ex was just like this and he was very into his porn, especially of young girls around 12-13 years of age. you can guess whey he is now my ex.

CheeseandGherkins · 28/08/2010 12:26

moocowme did you report him to the police?

moocowme · 28/08/2010 13:00

yes but they were not interested. it was over 10 years ago now.

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