I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS NO MORE...

[CRAZYCREW]

Okay my other half is a changed man he has ra and gets vert tired, sick and stiff... he used to be fun, have life in him and above everything have alaugh...

we have been seeing each other 4 years, share qa son but he just doesw not want to live we me nor my family.. he likes his space etc... i love him to bits and on emails and texts and even face to face says he does love me a little but then we can go days without chatting or texting and have decided why should i always be the one to text first.

I beleive the rhumatoid is partly to blame but i want commitmnet after all this time would you?

is he has arthritis why are you blaming him for his pain?

and whyarent you living together if you have a son??

did I read it right - you have a son together?

He says he loves you a little? What does that mean? His illness has nothing to do with it. This non-committal arrangement is suiting him.

PawMum, where does OP say she is blaming him for his pain?

arthritis doesn't stop someone committing to a relationship if they wanted to!

you need to seriously discuss the future with this bloke

hi there no I want us to live with one nother and he just wont as he likes a life of just laying on the sidfa all day and doing nothing. I take his meals some days but guess i have to let go.. id try to then he texts me says he loves and misses me... he nver goesout or does anything.. i would love to give him care, cook etc for him.... yes we have a baby between us and i have other children too and i own my house and is ample big enough... he was fine 2 years ago... he sold his house and we put alittle into mine to make bigger, etc and hen he got the ra which makes him so tired he can no longer be botheed. His feinds try and get him out but he is just not interested at all. We went to the zoo yesterday and he wanted to sit in the car!

i have thought perhaps he is depressed as given up full time work etc... umm perhaps i should just let go as like you say if he really loved and wanted me he would take that risk of working together through life 'together' ps thanks for replies....

It's only 4 years of your life, hardly a reason to bugger up the rest of it is it?

Have him see a gp re: depression and treatment.

He may have good intentions just not the emotional or physical energy to carry them out.

yes thats true..he got soem anti d's and will not takethem but yes he does not have energy but he also has the energy for what he 'wants' to do if you now what I mean.... All I want is a little security and to know really where i stand etc long term.. he can go days without ringing me or texting me which dont think noral.. what do you think is stopping him move in as given him more than enough time to be honest... he also has a 12 yr old son and could give him such a better life with structure and routine and proper meals... i just feel i guess its not normal not to want me... or his son or infact a family life. His late wife dies 9years ago.

I am not being selfish I am sure nt wanting comitment and a proper familylife am i? But honestly after the zoo the other day he never spoke as physically exhausted, the aby screamed all the way home so we put singing onetc and he turned i off.. etc so things like that he cannot cope with.. if he was depressed would he be like this or not?

thanks for replies.

This man is putting no time or effort into this relationship. He sees you are a quick shag when he feels like it but keeps you hanging around with the "l love you a little bit".. he is just playing with you.

I dont think he is depressed more like a lazy bugger. RA can be controlled on the correct medicine--is he taking any medicine or seeing a hospital specialist??

You need to cut loose from this tosser and concentrate on building a life for you and all your DC's without him.

He basically comes across as a lazy selfish twat.

yes I know and that is how I feel... his neighbours say he is in a rut... I took him to the zoo, paid for everything and we also went to the seaside monday and again I paid for everything. He has his son for 2 nights so when he wants to cope he can. I have been waiting to have sa satirgate for his child to be put up for a few weeks now as needs drilling but no.. he has time for his son and his bike though.. he is though and I know it sounds silly a sweet man and very kind although does not sound like that.. he has put 20k in my house and not bothered about it but we had all the intention in the world of settling down as a family and then when he sold his house he said his son (which he did not i know) did not want to move in with us as a family unit. I know in my heart I have to say goodbye to him.. Although dont live togther we have split numerous times and in emails explained what I want out of life even if it is hard and although he is ill him being there to watch the the baby or just be in the house means a lot... all i wnat is a normal loving family life but after the zoo feel he does not even want that long term now so really must keep my distance and not ring him etc must i.. he did come up the floowing morning and apologise.

Re a quick shag.. he is not up to that either he never wants sex ever of if he does it may be once every three months.. modst men jump at it dont they but him... no...Oh well enough going on.. think you have answered my question and must walk away and stay just freinds and nothing else.

I do appreciate you replying I do really. Thanks

oh yes he takes proper meds and injects with methatroxate every week and takes it all. He got a new car on the Dla too thought we could share it but he was having none of that either which really hurt me so i have had to go buy a new one... He will let me use it very ocaisionally if need to go to tip or something.... just thought would add this...

Ok so he takes his RA drugs but doesn't take his AD's speaks volumes. Stop making excuses for him. He is NOT ill. He has a condition which causes joint pain and stiffness but so many other people have this condition and they can lead relatively normal lives. I KNOW THAT.

He can be bothered and has the energy to do what he wants but not what you want to do as a family.
" I know it sounds silly a sweet man" stop fooling yourself he is a very very selfish man who when had the oportunity decided he did not want to be a family.
This selfish man needs to have the balls to leave you alone and allow you to get on with your life and you have to have the balls to move on and stop running after him. you will need to keep it civil because of your joint DS but this relationship is not healthy at the moment.

I hope you have the strength and support in RL to walk away from him.

Hi yes I do.. Iahve older children 19, 17 and 9 as well as the baby and all are wonderful. I have enough to think of really I have daughter very ill with her diabetes and uses it to control her weight and only last week we nearly lost her due to this and was in resuss for 5 hours and three days on icu. Myeldest is doing a gap year and pain in the bum lol and the boy nine lovely. I also have grandson born with cctga where the heart is the wrong way round top and bottom ans care for him full time alongside my son while my daughter does her nurse training at the loacal hospital/college. He has athma as well but thrives but long term needs either a switch or a transplant and also he is on tons of meds and he is never here to help.. he did drive me to the hospital when she was rushed inlast week though but could not even be botehred to have his son extra. I di not ask but he could have thought in the situation that I needed wxtra help dont you agree. You have given me the answer I wanted to hear.. yes he is lazy and yes he just cannot be bothered anymore. His son is in so much trouble at school and his words were lets move him not lets work at it so it was me that sorted it out to stay where he was and work with the teachers. This man does nothing with his 12 year old at all and as long as he is out playing he will leave him from 9 in morning until 9 at night and not worry. I feel the boy is in trouble due to poor upbringing and no interaction from his father if you know what I mean.... i have tried everything and would normally have rung him by now to see what up to or have a coffe at his but I have not and feel good and in control. It will be hard as love him and dont laugh as i do but know deep down he cannot give love, security and the commitment I need and want in life. Life is too short to live like this isn't it lol. Thanks

Crazy you have more than enough to deal with at home with your family and all their illnesses. they need your help and support more than your DP who neeeds to put his arse n gear and try and help his elder son. Unfortunaltky he is not a good father or role modle but you have more than enough to deal with and cannot take this on as well.

Your Grandson and daughter are lucky to have your love and support.

Walk away with your dignity intact. You have tried and HE has failed.
You deserve so much better than this