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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

when you hate a house that he wants to buy?

49 replies

mommie · 30/08/2005 16:52

What do you do when you have severe reservations over a house yr dp wants to buy? I am "wrangled out" over this one.

OP posts:
RachD · 30/08/2005 18:06

Mommie, what are you going to do ?
If you say no to this one, will the next house be the same.
I mean does he want fundamental different things to you ?

My dh doesn't want to move. I do.
he likes bungalows & I don't !

Will you and your dh agree on the next house ?

Original poster
mommie · 30/08/2005 18:06

beetroot - it only got this far cos we have just had the full survey back, and it is full of red warning flags (IMO). but i take yr point; should have been braver at the start and just said it doesn't feel right (not a strong argument to have with a man tho')

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beetroot · 30/08/2005 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mommie · 30/08/2005 18:10

RachD - we do have different tastes. he likes , dare i say, snobby properties and i like ones that withstand the weather. his parents house is too big, that's the trouble, and he has delusions of grandeur (i do love him by the way!) My parents have a nice house - nothing grand, but a v good buy.

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beansprout · 30/08/2005 18:13

It's ok that you couldn't say how strongly you felt eariler on, as, to be honest, it doesn't sound like he is listening out for your views? Sorry if that is a bit harsh, I'm sure he's lovely!

Your list of reasons does sound like a list of reasons not to buy.
What would the overall cost be of correcting some of these things and how long would it take? Although the flood one is a bit worrying!

Original poster
mommie · 30/08/2005 18:15

beetroot - it warns about insurance premiums due to flood risk, and damp cos no air vent bricks....i could go on. lead plumbing, ceilings 'held up by gravity' cos old lath and plaster......

OP posts:
RachD · 30/08/2005 18:16

Its a tricky one Mommie.
What do you do when one likes black and one likes white ?
Not a problem generally, except when it effects something fundamental that effects you both - e.g. house buying.

You just need to talk to him.
Tell him how you feel.

beansprout · 30/08/2005 18:16

Mommie - just read your last post! Run like the wind!!

Original poster
mommie · 30/08/2005 18:20

we will have to have heart to heart. my mum said she would babysit tonight while we thrash it out (bless). To be honest, when you look at pictures of New Orleans, you put yr whole life in perspective (tho it does remind you of flood risks

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Blackduck · 30/08/2005 18:26

its too big a purchase to not be in wholeheartedly.....! Good luck with the chat...

Jimjams · 30/08/2005 18:30

all surveys read like that though! We've bought 3 Edwardian properties now- every survey read like a horror story.

Avalon · 30/08/2005 18:32

The survey does mean though, that you could knock off a few thousand from the price of the house? And that might make it a better investment.

Also, look at the way the land lies - how far would the river need to rise before affecting the property?

Original poster
mommie · 30/08/2005 18:33

thanks. need to go to pub and drink lots of cider while i get my opinions across while also comforting my dp on hundreds of quid down drain.

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Original poster
mommie · 30/08/2005 18:35

ps Avalon. i did think logically like you, but all the insurance companies would say to me is that they measure length of property from river, and if it is less than a quarter of a mile, you are stuffed. also, they are religious about environment agency maps which just show swathes of blue over road and a high risk of 1;100. v annoying.

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kelli22 · 05/09/2005 12:17

if you still need advice ill add my 2 pence worth, i think you should find a house you both like and as for the wasted cash its one of those unfortunate things better to waste a few hundred quid than waste thousands and live in a house your not happy in.........hope you work it out

Easy · 05/09/2005 12:22

Don't buy it.

I decided to compromise when we bought this house, and I still hate living here, 8 years on. Once you move in, it's much harder to start the process to move again, and resentment starts up between you.

Tell him you are not happy, that there will be other houses you both like, and start the search again.

edam · 05/09/2005 12:59

Oh Easy, I'm glad it's not just me! Feel like I was really daft letting dh talk me into our house because it is so irritating now. So although obviously I don't want you to be in a bad situation, it is reassuring that someone's made the same mistake.

handlemecarefully · 05/09/2005 12:59

You don't buy it.

philippat · 05/09/2005 13:26

do bear in mind that Jimjams is right - all comprehensive surveys (if it cost £600 I assume that's what it was) are like that. Any old house will have lots of things wrong with it. If you've never bought a house before this can be a bit of a shock...

So maybe that's your fundamental difference that you need to address - he wants an old house, you'd like a new one with a 10-year warranty?

But if you know you are never going to like it, you shouldn't buy it.

MeerkatsUnite · 05/09/2005 14:07

what's wrong with it:

  1. it's in a high flood risk area, tho' mortgage company says it will insure it at no extra cost. (v.odd) Nearby river has never flooded but it's on a high risk environment agency map
  2. it has lead pipes which all need removing, and that means digging up front garden etc.
  3. big damp problem (we are getting quotes)
  4. it has a half size bath that needs replacing
  5. plumbing throughout is poor, water tank needs replacing, and it needs rewiring

There's a lot of work that will need to be done and I would have thought that points 3 and 5 will be conditions on the Offer of Advance you receive from the mortgage lender. Have you spoken to the mortgage lenders re this report - think you need to talk to them as a matter of urgency.

Point 1 worries me the most and for that reason I would not buy it either.

The most important thing by far here (quite apart from all the work that will need doing this will also take some considerable time to complete as well as the expense) is that you do not like the house period. For this reason alone this house should not be bought. You will only end up resenting him even more if you end up living in this property.

Original poster
mommie · 05/09/2005 16:09

thanks for all messages. we did withdraw from the sale at the weekend, tho' dp very unhappy and HUGE arguments. A reliable builder estimated all the work to be done at between £10,000-£12,000 let alone the disruption. Trouble is, dp also took his flat off the market in a huff (we live in his flat), so i still have no property investment as such. Don't want to invest in his flat, cos it's not going to increase in value a lot more. Any suggestions?

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Original poster
mommie · 05/09/2005 16:12

we could start looking again of course, (dp still licking wounds tho', after paying out about £2,000 for nothing) but no estate agent wants to know unless you are already 'under offer'. I HATE this whole house business.

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aloha · 05/09/2005 16:13

Um, we wouldn't buy it! I just threw a complete fit when dh questioned the dimensions of the new kitchen noticeboard I want. Think he would be v afraid of what I would do if I didn't like a house!

Original poster
mommie · 05/09/2005 16:15

aloha - yr message made me laugh. the way we are carrying on, i'd be lucky to get agreement on the colour of a washing up bowl at the moment ;)

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