Starting to realise it's not my fault

[thefinerthingsinlife]

I will try and keep this short...

At Christmas my grandparents wanted to the children to open there present before christmas so they could get their presents in first. (my nan had problems remembering that she wasnt my children's parent, she believed she was the most important person in their life, anyway.)

I put my foot down and said I don't want presents opened before Christmas day, my dh is Christain so celebrating Christmas on Christmas day is important to him, we didnt want present openeng to spread across a couple of days, iyswim.

This didn't go down well and I ended up being 'told off' by my nan and my aunt.

Christmas pasted and at the beginning of January I had a phone call from my nan saying that they can't believe how they were treated at Christmas, that I was a horrible person etc, I stood my ground and she hung up on me. I then recieve a text saying she and my grandad want nothing more to do with me or my children.

I then had constant facebook status' aimed at me ie "people will find out what a nasty person you are and then you will have no-one". It culminated in a message that said "I have never met any one who is so disrespectful to their family. and I do feel sorry for, not only you, but the children who you are depriving of so much, and you are to blind or stupid to see". At that point I asked for no further contact with my aunt.

Over this time I have been told on numerous occassions by my parents to apologise to my nan and aunt. Which I refuse to do so now i'm not invited to any family function and and ignored by nearly all of them.

(Sorry for the rant I just needed to write it down. I'm finally reading toxic family because of the relationship with my dad, but now i'm starting to wonder if I have a toxic family )

Oh sweetness.

They are, as Dr Phil would say, Right Fighters.

They want to be right right right and they will cut their noses off to spite their faces,, and threaten, cajole and namecall cos They Are Right.

If you give in, all will sweetness and light ubtil the next issue crops up, and so on until you will be afriad to speak up about anything. They are bullying you, so don't let them get away with it - ignore them and get happily on with your life. Allow them back in, if you want to, only after a full and frank apology and admission of the poor way they treated you over Xmas gifts ffs.

Don't let them turn it round and wail and say 'oh you are cutting us off over Xmas gifts, how cruel, etc' the decision is clearly theirs.

Ahem can you tell my mother and family are exactly like this?! They have been right right right for 5 years now and counting!

And toxic parents often come from / with a toxic family.

Welcome to our family!

I am thinking of starting a support group in my area for 'mother free mothers' - can I ask you, if you saw something like that, would you go? It would be held in Community centre / college building, say 50p / £1 per week for tea / coffee and a biscuit?

Proper nice biscuits, mind

Thanks Nemo, It's hard when you see other people with "normal" families, and you think what did I do to deserve this

I'd be a bit frightened of going, but I think I probally would. But only if it was nice biscuits and proper coffee

Sometimes you have to stand your ground, especially when your children are concerned. Well done, wish I'd been a bit braver on these occasions. :)

You did nothing to deserve a toxic family; you did not make them this way. Such individuals are often like this because their parents were themselves toxic and damaged in turn by their parents. It can easily therefore become a generational problem.

I'd certainly come along to such a meeting, my parents are more crap than anything else. I still seek their approval although am trying to wean myself off doing this and its working. I also have toxic mad as a box of frogs inlaws.

Could you serve tea as well please. I'd gladly bring along some biccies.

Thank you all for being so nice, part of me thought you were going to say that I was being a bitch and I should respect my elders

yy they are your family after all

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Coffee will be fairtrade, dahling, of course we can have some nice tea too.

Your nan and aunt are acting very strangely and behaving as bullies. You have done nothing wrong imo.

I'm realising that you don't have to like your family, the worlds not going to end because of it.

I have no contact with my family. Nearly one year now. After inner child therapy on the NHS, I am getting stronger every day. My children are happier. I have been advised by children's services to keep it this way.

Maybe you would like to look at the stately homes thread.....there's lots of us there. :)

I have popped in and said hello on the stately home thread thisishowifeel I worry that my problems aren't big enough to post on there though