Is it okay to just not like someone much?

[YunoYurbubson]

She is not a bad person, I just don't particularly enjoy her company.

Every time she wants to do something or meet up I either feel guilty for saying no, or I end up saying yes and we have an alright time but I feel a bit fake.

She has other friends. She definitely doesn't 'need' me.

Of course it's OK. There's no "rule" that says you have to like everybody.

Life's far too short for pointless and unpleasant "duties" - particularly when it doesn't involve family!

Nope it's fine. I have some 'friends' I knew from years back that I have deliberately lost touch with, mainly cos they are sneery about me and my life now (for no reason, I have a nice life it's just not what they've got and they are jealous)
So I only see them very rarley - weddings etc about every 5 years.

Also I dropped out of a circle of friends because they were not nice to me, they were competitive and always put me down and I always had to make the effort. I have not see nor spoken to them for 3 years, and am much happier for it.

My view is that I have very little free time and that which I do have I wish to spend with people who I like and who like me. My free time is too precious to share with those I don't enjoy spending it with, I'm afraid.

So my advice is, just lose touch slowly but gracefully, you never know she might feel the same about you ?!?!

Friendships can just run their course. Or, as we get to know someone better we realise we have little in common with them or we actually just don't like them as much as we thought we did initially. Nothing wrong with that. You can't like everyone.

"She has other friends. She definitely doesn't 'need' me." ~ Even if she didn't have other friends and did "need" you it doesn't mean you have to keep spending time with her. Her happiness is not your responsibility.

If you really can't bear her company any longer then keep making the excuses when she wants to see you. She'll get fed up in the end. I doubt she wants a friendship based on guilt or pity anyway.

You all speak sense, but somehow I do feel a bit guilty.

We started off carpooling as our children go to the same school and we live near each other. We had the odd coffee, and a couple of trips out with the children. In the course of things she met my circle of friends and people have started to include her in coffee mornings and girls nights out and weekend bbqs and things. This would all be ABSOLUTELY FINE if it weren't for the feeling that none of my friends are desperately keen on her either. We would never sit around bitching about her, but I know my friends well and I am pretty sure that they are being polite because they think she is my friend. Or, perhaps it started that way, but now she is included it would be very pointed to not include her. She has sent emails to me and a couple of my good friends saying "so, what are we up to this weekend?" sort of thing and it would be just too playground to say "well, WE were planning to do X but you're not invited" so obviously she does get invited, or there is awkwardness.

Am I coming across as a schoolyard bitch? I suspect I am. I don't mean to though. I just feel that it shouldn't be a wrong thing for myself and a couple of my very good friends, all of whose families know each other and get on well, to make plans to do things together. And she is sort of musseling in on that.

How do you spell musseling?

As I said, she has a busy circle of her own friends so she isn't sad and lonely and desparate for us to be her friend. I think she just thinks we are all her friends. Which we are, of course. But I don't think any of us like her all that much.

Then there was an incident a few months ago where she was horribly rude to me. I am completely over it, and have forgiven and forgotten. I did tell my friends about it at the time, and they are slower to let it go... you know how you tend to leap to the defense of your friends where you would let things go yourself?

Oh, I don't know. She's really not a bad person. I just really don't enjoy spending time with her.

So, with much more information, am I being a bitch? I strongly suspect I am.

No, you're not! Think about the threads we often see here, where the OP is upset because a group of friends has started excluding her, not returning her calls, etc ... The response is always "Yes, this is sad for you but you just have to accept they're not into you. Have some self-respect and stop chasing them."

Which is exactly the response she'll get if she posts to Mumsnet after you dropped her!

what was the rude thing she did?

Different oppinions.

Grace - I see what you're saying. But I also don't want her to feel dumped.

Maybe I just have to find a way of liking her. But nooooo, why should I have to do that? She is dull. And smug. And has an annoying laugh. [now I'm being bitchy]

What is the non bitchy course of action mmj? I don't actually want to be a bitch (hence posting).

No you don't have to find a way of liking her. When you get the "So, what are we doing this weekend then?" emails, ignore them until Monday and apologise for the late reply.

Is "Must get called a bitch on Mumsnet today" on your to do list? Saying she has an annoying laugh is only going to get one response.

Ok to think it, not nice to say it.

I think you sound very nice. The word b*tch doesn't even come into it.

You owe her nothing, if she's dull, smug AND has an annoying laugh then gradually drop her.

Life's to precious to spend time with people you don't want to be with. You don't need to feel guilty in the least.

('muscling')

it's "muscling in".

No you are not being a bitch.

Presumably you're both older than 14 - she can look after herself and doesn't need you to hold her hand.

Why spend time with someone when your heart sinks to think about it?

Muscling?

Really??!