The cold shoulder - how long is reasonable?

[BranchingOut]

I had a row with my husband on Saturday (long story, but I raised something which I probably shouldn't have done - although I felt justified by circumstances). I have apologised and explained but he has not spoken to me since Saturday, apart from matters to do with our son (11 months old).

I have been keeping out of his way, eating separately, coming to bed after him in order to give him a chance to cool down, but even simple overtures like 'hello', 'bye' or 'would you like some of this food?' are met with a stony stare.

The Bank Holiday is looming and I am not sure what to do next. When does sulking become unreasonable in itself?

You should read Moll Flounders' threads. Her husband started off sulking and then became progressively more controlling.

Half an hour is tops. I don't let my 3 year old get away with sulking for more than 5 minutes - it's really passive aggressive and unacceptable behaviour

He's acting like a toddler and not your husband or partner or even like an adult you barely know.

Agree with everyone else - he needs to accept your apology or tell you what he expects and needs from you and move on. Or at least, stop sulking.

You're partners and lovers, not housemates having a snit and carrying on with your seperate lives while you're mad at each other.

I was once ignored by my partner for a whole six weeks. The poster who said the abuse and control escalates is right. It did. In February of this year he ignored me again. On day 16 I moved into a women's refuge leaving him a note. Best move I ever made!

Half an hour, maximum.

He is being an arse. Does he do it frequently?

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Carry on as usual. My Mum is a sulker and I don't give it one seconds attention, its the only way.

Oh and arrange to go out tonight by yourself. Sulky people need an audience. I also think it is abusive and incredibly controlling. Sulkers do get a bit of a buzz from it, I know this having been a bit of a sulker in the past myself, however this was because my ex was a total wanker and nothing else worked.

Just take yourself out of the situation and let him stew. Honestly it does work.

I'm not a sulker and I couldn't be with a man who was.

he is a twat

Thanks for your responses. I have decided to post the back story under a name change - the thread is on Relationships now.

Oh dear, my DH is a sulker too (another poster was right about it being in the family, his dad is like this too).

It is interesting to see how inacceptable most people think it is (and worrying!!!).

In a book I was reading recently they said that men tend to do this when they are "flooded" with too much emotion, something about their inability to calm themselves down and deal with stress.

jamaisjedors please could I ask what book you are referring to? I wouldn't mind having a read of it

seven principles

It's really interesting actually, and has practical exercises etc. to do.