Divorcing friend- is this normal/acceptable behaviour?

[purplepeony]

A long-time friend of mine ( man) has been left by his wife- 2nd time around for them both, no kids at all. She had a fling a few months back. it didn't last but she decided to leave him anyway. Needless to say he was gutted, They have now separated, sold their house etc, filing for divorce etc, and she has moved away to new job ( had to go from part time work to full time) She is finding it tough and is constantly phoning him in tears saying how much she misses him etc etc. and can't cope.

So far, he has been sympathetic and not told her to push off- but I do feel for him and wonder if he ought to be a bit tougher with her, for his own sake- but it's not really my place to comment , and i haven't said anything one way or the other to him. I do though feel angry that she is messing up his head like this.

I just wanted to know though what other people thought of what she is doing and if it's just me who thinks it's not right, or if this is normal behaviour for separated couples.

It's up to him, their relationship, every relationship is different. Sounds as if you are close to him, I'd be careful until he's really, truly, single. He isn't yet by the sounds of it. If he didn't want this he'd stop it.

She left him, he was gutted, she's constantly phoning him, he's not pushing her away.

Some couples who get divorced do get back together again. This couple haven't properly separated yet emotionally. He probably still cares alot for her.

I'd leave them both to sort themselves out.

I feel protective of him rather than wanting to get my claws into him, if that helps. I know it's up to them, and that's why I haven't passed comment, but I am a bit shocked at how she is behaving that's all. Sorry- I know I am being judgy but he's a friend I've had for over 30 years.

She sounds as though she's screweed up and thinking she's made a mistake, rather than someone behaving badly to me.
If he doesn't want to get back together with her then I agree he should be pushing her away. He probably isn't sure what he wants and is keeping his options open though.

Many men choose to take a passive role in relationships, but usually they get something out of it. In this case he maybe enjoys feeling needed and hopes she'll come back.

It's not easy splitting up with your husband. You change your mind a hundred times a day. It's worse when you're upset because you naturally turn to him to talk to/rant at.

I agree it will look bonkers from the outside, but it also feels bonkers on the inside. Try to keep your judgy hat off, hard as it must be to see your friend being hurt.

This song made a great deal of sense to me during my separation and divorce. I am a country music fan - you always find great lyrics when you need them!

Sorry - pressed post too soon!!

Meant to add that possibly your friend AND his exwife feel a bit like this....I know my EXH and I were both guilty of relying on each other for some practical elements.
I supposed after more than ten years of marriage we both fell into 'roles' within that relationship and needed time to find our 'roles' as individuals and to develop the skills needed to take on the other's responsabilities.

I hope my last post didn't come across too harshly. I didn't mean that! My H and I have a very odd set up that works (ish) when we're in it, although not when you try to think about it logically. I judge me when I try to see it from an outsider's pov!

no, I understand exactly what you mean Shaz.

The reason I haven't made any comment to him is because I know that relationships come in all shapes and sizes; however, my gut reaction is "Find someone else to offload to" not your H who you said you didn't want.

She had plenty of time whilst the house was being sold to reconsider, but now she is on her own it's a case of the grass not being as green as she thought.

But, it's his call- if he isn't comfortable with it he has to be the one to say.