I went to my first Al Anon meeting last night.

[DeathandTaxes]

I was very nervous but I did go, and managed to share my story with the other people there.

They were all lovely, and had stories to tell of their alcoholic loved ones that were far worse than anything I had experienced, and I did say to them that I was not even sure that my dh was an alcoholic, just that he was a problem drinker whose drinking habits had impacted negatively on our marriage.

It was gently pointed out to me that Al Anon is for people who are affected by someone else's drinking, be they alcoholic or not, so that made me feel a bit less of a frauf for being there!

I must say that I did find it helpful, and I will go back, but I do wonder how do they actually teach you, in real, practical terms, to detatch with love and to let go etc It all sounds very spiritual but no actual structured advice on what to do, or how to cope with the binges etc..

Maybe that will come further down the line. I suppose I have at least taken the first step in putting my own needs to the forefront, and not letting this issue of drink dictate my happiness or emotional stability.

Gah Fraud not Frauf!!

I found it supportive and educational and i agree it helps to strengthen you emotionally it gave me a better idea of boundaries re acceptable behaviour.It taught me detatchment and taught me how i was enabling my Xs drinking and how that was a negative thing.It also taught me why i had turned into the resentful wife the months b4 he left.I only went for a few months but i found it very useful and only due to lack of childcare that i stopped,after posting this i think i should try and go back Think it really teaches you that you can only control your own behaviour ,no one elses and helps you cope with the tough painful times.The serenity prayer has seen me through a lot of tough times this year.Find someone to talk to at the end of the meeting re your questions ,people will often swap numbers for support.Also loads of books,leaflets etc to educate yourself and a website to chat to others ,take care and well done for going along ,i just found it so calming .

I also thought i could share without being judged and that was very important to me x

Thank you Patience, that's very encouraging.

I dont think that I will be able to make it every week, prob more like twice a month if lucky, as i have 5 little ones and a very busy dh, so its not always possible to get the babysitting. Can it still be effective even if I am going every couple of weeks?

Also what is the website where you can chat to others for this sort of thing?

I think so D&T ,just thinking about it makes me think how much more grounded i felt at the end of each meeting.Will try and find a link re chat thingy ,or someone else will post.I just thought it helped me understand myself better and the kinds of behaviours the drinker could draw me into that i didnt even realise ,if that makes sense,then he could justify his drinking.Once i started changing my own behaviour i could take back some control of my crazy life.I am at the end of a messy split now but i think alanon helped to give me the strength to say to him that unless he takes responsibility for his own behaviour i will always keep pushing him away ,just helped me to see a clearer picture x

Good to hear Patience, glad it worked out well for you, I hope it does the same for me, I feel positive that it will help.

I first went to Al-Anon about twenty years ago, and the people and the philosophy have helped me through many non-alcoholic problems.

D&T, you learn how to detach simply by listening to others and/or reading the literature. People sharing aim to pass on how they used the programme in specific situations, and I got lots of useful hints, particularly how other people had managed to deal with unreasonable behaviour,family dramas etc. As Patience says, we can change our own behaviour too, and hear how effective it can be.
There are many Al-Anon groups on-line, and you will be made very welcome, whichever one suits you. No-one will mind if you can't get there very often, and most people will be happy in RL to give you a phone number for a private chat, meet for coffee or discuss getting a sponsor etc. Take it at your own pace.xx

Thanks Shodatin, I will do that.