There wasn't really a moment that I decided. I do remember, very clearly, when I was away from him for a few days, that I definately did not want to stay with him for the rest of my life and grow old together. the only thing we had in common were the children. For so long I made an enormous effort. Once a month I would book a babysitter, book a table and plan an evening out. He turned up at the last minute, not even showering or changing, whilst I had spent and hour or two making myself, look, smell and feel nice. On the 3rd date I realised it was not working. After the first 10 minutes, we sat there with nothing to say. He had asked me how the children were doing at school, and that was all we could think of to talk about. Soon after, I was away for a few days, and had time to think. From this moment I knew I could not go on forever. But, was I to make my move soon,or wait years, until the children were older. He was always away. Holidays, golf, work, etc etc. He was away for a week on one occasion and called to say he would not be home for another week or so. It just came out, I said 'why bother, you don't want to be here, we need to talk'.
I didn't plan it. it just was the best time to say something. He obviously felt the same. Finance is hard, very hard. He was a very good earner, I was a SAHM. I stayed in the house. He took some equity out the house and increased the mortgage, and left. We did not tell the bank what we were doing because they would not have allowed us to take out a bigger mortgage if they knew why. He chooses to rent. He does not contact the kids, pays no maintenance and just enjoys life. I have got a job, given up every luxury I could think of and scrape by. I love it. I have never been so hard up in my life, but I am happy, have wonderful children (who do not live in a horrible atmosphere), have met a man that I car about more than I thought I could. He too has nothing. No money, no house, absolutely nothing. But, we have each other, and our wonderful children.
I would be far better off if I rented and did not have a mortgage. As, I get tax credits, I would get my rent paid if I was renting, but I do not get anything towards the interest on my mortgage. Strange really, to rent my house (very small house, but near a city) it would cost 5 times in rent more than my mortgage, but I would get that paid.
It's a horrible situation, but not one I have regretted for one moment. I am so glad that it happened. I have so many things I want to do in life and knew I would never do them with my ex.
sorry, ramble, ramble.......