Advice please on access - just split

[bunsandroses]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to put this in but any advice would be much appreciated.
I have just split with my partner and we have a 18 month DS. For what its worth, he has done nothing to try and fix the relationship and after relate etc. I have had to make the decision to move on.
I have moved back in with my family in London and he lives 3 hours away.
It is pretty acrimonious but it's essential that we are grown up about access to DS. I will look after our DS full time. He wants me to either drop DS off or pick him up to his home (3 hours away), every other weekend.
He is welcome to see our DS here in London but he doesn't want to, which I am fine with, but surely it's not my responsibility to deliver him or collect him every other weekend.

I know as soon as I say something he will accuse me of trying to stop him seeing DS, can you just advise on what you think is reasonable.

TIA

He is really making an already stressful situation worse, isn't he?

Why exactly can't he come to London? Why can't one of you do one of the 3 hour legs, and the the other do the return journey?

What's he going to do if you just say no to this plan of his?

sorry you and XP have split, it's good your trying to let him see your DS regulary
My SIL and her H have a similar situation to you and he comes to collect and drop off their DC every other week which works for them
Can i ask do either of you drive? as a compromise would be you to meet half way for drop off/collections?
Think that would probably be the best solution to your problem really

Well - from what you have said, I'm assuming you are the one to have moved away, necessitating the 3 hour journey? If so, I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to expect you to share the burden of the travelling to enable your son to see his father. He seems to be suggesting you share the journeys anyway - asking you to do either the dropoff or pickup, with him presumably doing the other leg. So he's asking you to do one journey every two weeks to facilitate your son's maintaining a relationship with his father - I don't think that's too much to ask.

As you have taken his son 3 hours away from him, I also agree that it is not unreasonable for to share the travelling time. So you can drop him off, and he can bring him back, or vice versa.

Will he be having overnights?

I think the meeting half way seems best else one of you is going to have a 6hr journey in total. Would the train be quicker?

So sorry for the relationship break down by the way.

At least if you do it, you have control and won't be waiting for him to turn up or bring back your child. It might be worth doing it every second week for a while, then meeting halfway.

I think it is not really unreasonable that your ex wants you to do one of the journeys on alternate weekends, although of course it will entail a 6 hour journey for both of you. I also think you both need to think of a little boy of 18 months having to endure such long journeys every other weekend, which isn't ideal. As others have said, could you not meet halfway, though this of course wouldn't help the child with the long journey.

As someone else said is the train more reasonable and might be more pleasurable for your child.

To do the best by your child, it is your responsibilty to help his relationship with his father as much as you can. I think one of you doing each leg of the journey sounds entirely fair to you, especially as you decided to move away.

Maybe you could meet halfway and find somewhere conveinient for you both to stop so that your ds can have a break, maybe some lunch and a toilet stop.

I think if you are serious about being grown up about access, then you will have to do some of the travelling, and both of you need to try and be as flexible as possible.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.

Been through this one. Legally, as it was you who moved away with the child, it is down to you to make reasonable arrangements for your ex to have access. This means it would be up to you to take your child to your ex for his access. I would suggest to him that you meet half way and hope he agrees. If he took it to court I'm afraid he could ask for a lot more.

Someone I know is in this situation, although with older children. They share the driving, one will take & one will collect & they are civilised enough to have a snack and a chat at drop off /collection.