"Well I haven't enjoyed the last 10 years"

[laissezfaire]

namechanged

OK, might all seem a bit minor but need some perspective, not sure if I'm being overly sensitive and hormonal due to being 34 weeks pregnant, or if I should look deeper into this.

DH and I have been togeher 10yrs, rarely argue and I feel have a pretty good relationship. We have 2 dcs and I'm currently pregnant with number 3.

Admittedly I've been pretty tired and irritable the last few weeks, I'm heavily pregnant, not sleeping well, anemic and generally feeling a bit knackered.

DH has been getting up in the mornings with the kids to let me have a bit of a lie in. Yesterday he did this, we had a busy morning as had just got back off holiday, so I spent morning catching up with washing etc. We had no food in so needed to go to supermarket. At 2pm dh says he wants to go to the gym, (live in the sticks, only one car). I point out that we need to go and buy food as it's Sunday and shops will close at 4pm. Agree to drop him at gym and go on my own with dcs to do shopping. He then takes ages getting ready, both myself and kids getting hungry and I snap a bit at him to get a move on.

At this all hell breaks loose! He says as he lets me have a lie in it's only fair he gets some time to himself too, that I always make it awkward for him to go to gym, swimming, cycling and that he's fed up with my laziness.

I didn't realise the letting me lie in was a tit for tat thing, generally thought he was just being nice. I don't object to him going to the gym, but think buying food is more important. It escalated into a full blown row ending in him saying he's been miserable the last ten years with me.

So, did he just say this in anger? In the end he stormed out with gym kit and returned later having been to gym and supermarket, but no apology. Am I being oversensitive? I'm just not used to such huge rows and the last line "Well I haven't enjoyed the last 10 years" has really got to me. Today we've been polite but frosty with each other, not sure whether to drag everything up again or not?

Did you have your first child around 10 years ago?

No, 6 yrs ago, first met 10 yrs ago, which would mean he's been unhappy with me from the start, which doesn't seem to make any sense to me!

I would have to speak to him about this. Ask him why, if he's been unhappy with you for the last ten years, he's still in the relationship and has three children with you.

I couldn't let this comment go.

Ok, it does sound like a throw-away line said in anger.

But I think it would be a good idea to talk about the issue you mentioned - preferably when you're both in a calm mood.

If he feels he's not getting enough time to himself this could cause resentment and that it is not good for a relationship.

That's what think too, and it's playing on my mind too much just to let go.

I also said things I wish I hadn't, but more along the lines of 'just sod off', no personal attacks. Even said in anger I don't think he would have said something like this without some truth behind it. I don't want to be with somebody that feels like that about me, I have too much self respect.

I think he sounds frustrated, he gave you a break by letting you have a lie-in he only wanted the same i see it as the situation escalating because everything wasn't going your way. You have admitted yourself your irritable lately i would cut him some slack tbh.

Sounds as though he just got annoyed and said the first thing he thought of.

It also sounds as though he is trying to keep you happy and feels a bit unappreciated.

From your description of the day, it sounds as though you pottered about at your own speed (having a lie in, doing washing - I know washing is hardly an indulgent activity BTW!), then when he wanted to do something else it all got "urgent" and you snapped at him.

(I hate those Sundays where things need buying and you are the only one with the 4pm deadline in your head, everyone else is dancing around oblivious!)

I would sit him down, apologise for being irritable, and let him know that the "I haven't been happy for 10 years" has really hurt you. Hopefully he will apologise too. I know you are pg and suffering but IMO he should be appreciated for getting up if he does it more than half the time.

Good luck with the baby!!

He goes out regularly after work, once or twice a week which I never complain about, so I think he does get time to himself.

I sometimes feel he thinks the whole wife and family thing is holding him back a bit. He really wants to do more travelling, live abroad, start his own company etc. Things we can't really do with such a young family. I think he thinks we can still do those things and it's just me being a stick in the mud.

Thanks all, you're actually making me feel better seeing it from his point of view, and that maybe I am being a bit arsey.

Agree with the advice given

Re "He really wants to do more travelling, live abroad, start his own company etc."

He/you can. Wrong foot him and be v supportive but the deal is he sorts the practicalities since that's what gives you [presumably] the heebie jeebies. Not fair though if he's [again just guessing] using you/family as the excuse not to.

Yes Dinah, an opportunity has recently come up for him to become partner in a company. I said I will support him fully so far as I realise it would mean him being away from home more, working longer hours etc. It's him now making all the excuses as to why he shouldn't, very valid excuses I might add, just not what he was saying prior to an opportunity actually presenting itself!

Signing off now, (well, under this name anyway).

Thanks for advice, think I will have a chat, but admitting that I have been at fault too and asking him what he meant by the "Well I haven't enjoyed the last 10 years" comment, staying as calm as possible! Just hope I don't get upset, I'm rather bad at bursting into tears rather than discussing something rationally, so fingers crossed.

He's immature and you are right this is a tit for tat thing. Please just carry on as if it means nothing and take the moral high ground. Good luck with no three. I've been there and all your experience kicks in and it's easy.