When did I lose myself?

[slipperandpjsmum]

It was my ds birthday party the other day. I invited some friend's who I had not seen for some time. They helped with the prep etc and came back to our house afterwards. We talked and laughed as the children played. I had such a good time and as people were leaving three of my children said to me you are drunk Mum (we had all been drinking tea). When I asked what they meant they said because you are laughing so much. One of my son's friends said she is not drunk she is having a good time. And it struck me how often do I laugh anymore! How often do I have a really good time. I am so absorbed by my children, husband, job, responsibilities as a daughter. What happened to me and when did my life become do devoid of laughter? It has made me feel really sad. Is there anyone else out there who feels like me?

Yes! That is exactly how I feel! I'm afraid I have no advice, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone xx

Yes, definitely. My life is not all sadness but it is quite rare nowdays for me to be really relaxed, really have a good time and laugh - and so when I do, I feel just like you, a bit sad afterwards...

i think most people do

Ooooh yes.
I have recently realised that apart from having fun with dd / dh eg. playing silly games as a family, I do not know how to have fun. I don't know what I like to do for fun.

I feel like a bit of an old fart.(I am only 33!)

Am with you OP.
For me it was marriage, kids, daily life, etc.

Sometimes I feel like this. I'm so busy being the good mum/wife/daughter that I have to remind myself to be me. My boys (9and 5yrs) are getting older so I find it easier to be me now.

I'm so glad to see that others are the same. The big problem with my divorce is that I feel my personality's changed. Apart from his infidelity, my ex and I had a really good relationship - we'd talk all the time, loved going out, watching films, travelling, etc. Since the divorce, I feel I've almost become silent. Obviously I haven't - I take care of my two teenage children and enjoy that, but they do their own thing and I'm left just sitting here! I don't like watching films alone; I like having someone to talk to afterwards. I have taken the kids on holidays but it's not as much fun (for me) without another adult - I'm usually trailing ten steps behind them! I really miss the everyday chat, the confidences and the laughter. I wish my children had spent the last several years with this (though they are happy, well-adjusted children and wouldn't think I felt this, probably.)

Thanks so much for all your postings. It really helped knowing I am not alone. Its funny but I had not even realised it had happened until last night, it was one of those light bulb moments!! As DayDreaming said my life is not all sadness but the realisation is making me really sad. What should we all do???

Drink more tea, with the right sort of friends!

Me too, my personality has been eaten alive by my anxieties. No idea what to do about it either.

I feel out of tune with a lot of culture and a lot of people.

I am unable for various reasons to start socialising with people who share my outlook on life.

Wgen my kids were little we would laugh like drains and dance, have the house full of people. I know I've become more serious but like the OP I don't know what to do, start watching old comedies? (I watched re-run of Brass last night and was vastly amused, so maybe that's the answer)

I always imagine you as going to a lot of small child friendly festivals, Earthymama.

Lazylion that happened to me too, some medication and counselling have beat it back into submission though. Worth looking at some of your 'what ifs' and triggers?

I promise myself I'm going to be more sociable, but I do find it difficult due to anxiety, so I have invited 3 friends over for a lunch while our children run riot play peacefully. I think I am okay with that.

Next year, I'm going to sunrise and Sunrise off-grid. I have promised myself!

I use public transport so that limits how much access I have to impromptu events etc.

The anxiety thing is so awful, I try to adopt mindfulness, there are threads on MN that offer really good advice on this approach.

Excellent

The best belly laughs can happen with the people you are most relaxed with. I find that when I meet up with old friends we are on the same wave length and roaring with laughter before long. With the new friends we meet through our children, we can be too much on our best behaviour for a while!

That is very true, londonartemis, especially if like me and earthymama you are a bit different to the norm. Whatever that is.

what nemofish said.