Just wanted to know if it's me, as my DP says or if I'm right about this because we can't go on like this and I feel like i'm going round the bend.
Sorry this is a long one. We have been together this time for just over 3 yrs, have 2 dc, were together 6 yrs before this time round,(short relationship, on and off for about a yr) but he dumped me whilst I was pg for his ex (who he went on to marry) and subsequently did not see me and dc1 again for 6yrs until i got in touch with him after hearing that he would like to see dc1. Anyway, turned out he and she had split, were going thru a divorce.
He started seeing dc1 and things were lovely and amicable, although family, friends etc thought i was being a bit of a mug. anyway to cut a long story short we got together, had dc2 and basically somewhere along the way, i have changed from a happy, independent thinking single mum into a stressed out, walked all over, person who feels like i can't make a decision without discussing it with him, has no valid thoughts (i am wrong about everything, even for thinking he was a bit of a twunt for how he treated me and dc1)and I just seem to have lost me. I no longer watch the programmes I once watched on TV as apparently everything i like is crap, the house has been taken over by computers, my dc1 has turned into a computer nerd lol and even i'm finding myself on fB, MN all the time just because there is no conversation!
The other thing is that I seem to be paying for everything the kids need as though i am still a single mum, i pay for holidays, clothes, food some of the bills, birthday presents, most nights out. I work pt, I have also just started paying for DC2 childcare at nursery with some help from tax credits he pays the mortgage on HIS house, )which he says is mine as much as his but I don't have my name on the house. We have discussed doing it but it apparently costs a lot and he says I can by all means do it but he sees it as a waste of time because to him it is as much mine as his)Council tax, car, phone, electric.
He has taken me for 2 meals in all the time we've been together and he isn't really romantic in any way, if we do have a night out, it is almost always with HIS friends, he hated my one good friend and we now no longer see each other, not his fault that is another long story lol. I just feel like I give a lot to this realtionship and don't get that much out and have considered leaving, but whenever I bring things up I have a problem with, he turns everything around and I end up feeling really out of order, unfortunately the only time i have the confidence to bring anything up is when i've had a drink and now I only have to have a glass at my lips and he accuses me of slurring my words and starting an argument!
He has numerous debts from getting credit cards after his split from his wife, I am resentful of this because it feels like he had a great time with her, they went on loads of hols, got married abroad, she had a v expensive engagement ring etc, somehow i feel like i am paying for it all, because I certainly don't get the things she got, i really dont think i mean anything to him and that he is only with me because he's not with her and because we have dcs. sorry this is v long and I am just having a rant, there is more but this is going on a bit, just wanted to know if maybe it is me? I feel so confused.